DAY 14 : PORN DESTROYED MY LOVE STORY (+ PLANS TO RE-SHAPE)

27 October 2015 1:37 p.m (GMT +7)

Day 14 (i planned to write 2 posts today)

Before i took a nap, i chatted with my friends on kik group called "Battle Goal", and at that conversation, someone suddenly thought about having a girlfriend and getting married. I started to realize that, porn really has a negative effect on my love story.

I remembered one year ago, i had a crush on a girl from one of community i joined. We really feel so close at that time, even i remembered there is a moment where she said this

"I want to be honest with you that i really adore you, you are really a humble man".

Listening to this statement really makes me fly away.. You know, when you really fall in love with someone, the world seems really colorful to you, whatever bad things happened, you enjoyed it, just because you fall in love with her.

But, my love story ended, after one day, i lost the battle, i got overtaken by her friend, it means that she just had a boyfriend, i really remembered the date, it was 12 August last year. I really felt so sad at that time, even i remembered i relapsed on this porn addiction. Yeah, i felt really stressed that time, even porn didn't even heal it. Because, i was really close on confessing my love to her, but it was too late. I felt depressed, i felt like nothing.. I felt like, i will not find a girl like her, or maybe, better..

And, yeah, as i already told before, i relapsed, and since that, my mind started to shift negatively, i mean, i am really easy to be sensitive towards other. All things that came to my mind was just a negative thought. I got too sensitive on everything. I got easily irritated and somehow, sad on everything.

It is even worse after one moment, i decided to stalk on her (as what i used to do), and somehow, she got really angry on me, even she sneak dissed me on social media. And, everything really started worse, my relationship with her started getting worse and worse... And, of course, i blamed porn for that to happen. Because, as i already told you, porn decreased my judgement ability, porn really destroys your mind. And, yeah, porn had already destroyed my love story.. My sweetest love story

And, thank God, this doesn't happen again.. Our relationship started to get better again, we even chatted really well. We even supported each other for every possible thoughts. And, suddenly, all this love feeling towards her started to grow again.. grow again and again, like what had happened last year. But, i decreased my hope. Last year, i hoped she could be my girlfriend, while this year, i just hoped for a better relationship (maybe BFF, or something)..

To be honest with you all, we have never met in real life, we know each other on social media through a community, we never met due to some reasons, yeah, distance is one of them..

So, today or tomorrow, i am planning to reconfess my love to her again, i really want to say that i still love her no matter what happened to her. I still keep my love to her, i don't really care what will happen in the end, because yeah, i just want to confess without any possible implications. I mean, i don't want to hope for anything better, to be her best friends makes me really happy.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

I also just realized that dating is not important for us, especially in my religion. Because, the most important thing is to have a good marriage, and also, to have a good children. Dating can be a sin to you if you did it in the wrong way (like, if you did sex before marriage, even kiss actually).

I did it because i realized that "PORN HAS DESTROYED LOVE ON EACH OTHER", and my story really proved it. And, i have been starting this NoFap struggle and reached Day 14, so, i feel really better day by day. And, i have prepared for any bad possible things that may happen.

Please, friends! If you're reading this, please pray the best for me!