YOU. ARE. NOT. THE. FATHER!!

27 January 2016, 5:40 p.m (GMT+7)

This morning, i browsed on some YouTube videos (yeah, i really have no activity for several months, so that's why i decided to blog again), and i found a video that has become such a meme thing, yeah. It's actually from a quite controversial reality show, maybe some of you who lives in USA know this or some who has been living under the rock (i mean, the World of Internet). The reality show is called Maury, and it has two segments that really caught my attention. Yeah, it caught my attention of how bad our young generations are right now, i am not talking about USA, i am talking about the worldwide.

One of them is the paternity test, it was most famous for the catchphrase, "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!', it was also famous for some people reacting to that phrase, like these!

They of course do the DNA test just to make sure whether the baby that is being in the episode is the man's son or not. By this episode, i can also see that the sexual life of people in USA is really crazy, like how hard is it to find someone in USA who is still a virgin. Not like in my country, if you are not a virgin, you must be someone bad (yeah, i mean losing virginity before marriage), because our norm tells us that we have to keep virginity before marriage. (right now, same also from my country)

One of the causes of how free sex is a normal thing in some countries is the exposure to pornography. Of course, to perform such a sexual intercourse, we need to know the example, i am talking about the media to show you how to do it. Yeah, the only way is by pornography media, whether it is video, photo, or audio. We also know that pornography consumption in the worldwide is so.. goddamn.. crazy.. You can also see in the PornHub statistics in 2015 that at least every person on Earth viewed about 12 videos, or let's say every second, there is about 6,700 visits from Earth (of course!)

GODDAMN! So much people viewed porn right now, or they don't even realize they have been doing wrong everyday. You know that some sites are paid based on their number of visits. Imagine how much money PornHub can get just from one day!!

DAMN!! TOO MUCH MONEY FOR THEM!!

It kinda makes me scared that right now porn sites has similar amount of visits as social media or maybe search engine..

Yeah, back to this Maury thing. I was always shocked by the fact that there are lots of women coming to the show, bringing her children, and finding their biological father, even some of the guests don't suggest or admit having sex with one man, more than one! Crazy on how easy they can have sex.

I am just hoping one day that free sex in this planet will decrease, or let's just say, more abstinence to the people. I will tell you later about it..

Of course, if i was appointed to that program, Mr. Maury will always say "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!", since i am still a virgin. I only get addicted to porn media, not to the sexual intercourse (eventhough i also wished for it).

I just hope i can keep my virginity until my marriage.
I hope..

TAKING DRIVING LESSONS..

28 January 2016, 11:29 a.m (GMT+7)

Good afternoon folks from Indonesia! Anyway, i am just having a good day, while i find out, i just got a good mark from my previous courses!! YEAAAY!!

Yeah, still need to wait for the other courses, so i could probably get my GPA >3.5, which means i will graduate with cum laude. Anyway, right now, i don't have classes anymore, because i already finished my academic process. I am supposed to have a graduation ceremony on May. But, i need to wait for my clinical rotation, i mean, the date, or whether i am qualified to join the First Phase of Clinical Rotation. If i passed, i will join it on March. Looking forward to them!

To fulfill my spare time, right now, i am taking some lessons, like writing lessons (like i supposed to do), and also.. DRIVING LESSONS!! Yeah! I just bought a car, or let's say, i was bought a car by my parents, yeah, it's good, because i need to have a car for my Clinical Rotation, since i will be going everywhere, so i need some good vehicles. I used to ride my motorcycle, but i can't use it for long-distance importance.

Actually, the last time i took driving lesson was about 1,5 year ago. And, i decided to take again since i need to be able to drive my new car, it's still fresh outta garage, though. Anyway, this is my second day, i supposed to take driving lessons for about 1 week for now. So, i can bring my own car real quick, of course, maybe with some errors (let's just say, minor accidents, but let's make it to zero).

During the lesson, my instructor told me that the importance when it comes to driving is the calmness and concentration. Those are my biggest weakness in life, i can't keep calm, and also i can't concentrate well, that's why during my several struggle to beat my porn addiction, i experienced so many relapses. I really can't concentrate well also, that also blocks me to post something on my blog (i supposed to write something 2 days ago, but it wasn't released even, my bad). I just hope i can master my driving skills and also master my concentration skills.

Concentration and calmness are also needed for me as a medical students (or let's just say doctor wannabe). we need a really good concentration while handling some medical cases that needed a really accurate approach, and also calmness to make us remain professional to the patient's family. I just hope that these courses will indirectly help me to increase my concentration and calmness skills.

So, right now, let's advance for my better life, then!!

LET'S BE HONEST ABOUT ME..

26 January 2016, 16:31 (GMT+7)

Okay... so, recently, about several minutes ago.. I just relapsed.. So, since i made an "oath" or i can say a promise, like you can see before.. Okay, so i will share it on the next post..

Sorry!

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY

Friday, 22 January 2016

8 : 09 p.m (GMT + 7)

Today, i just finished my first day of re-struggling for this NoFap.. yeah, i mean, getting rid of my porn addiction. It was a really tough day, the urge is getting stronger. It is really hard because after successfully become abstinence for 45 days, i experienced so many relapses. Even in the first month, i relapsed 3 times.

Yeah, it is really bad for me since right now, i am targeting to have my 95% days of 2016 without porn, so far i relapsed 3 times, it means i have 3 days of porn. It is kind of bad start because we didnt finish first month f 2016 and i have been exposed to porn for 3 days. i started to get pessimistic on my target.

But, it is still the first month of 2016, there are still 11 months left, so, i still need to struggle more on my target, and for that, i checked on how i succeeded to reach 45 days free porn. And i think that i succeeded because of my writing habit. At that time, i used to write everything i feel, i experienced, i read, or whatever comes to my mind. I also shared this to some of my accountable friends, i always participate in NoFap-related group even join the YouTube hangout (i wish i still have it).

By doing those activities, i feel more triggered to do positive things, more than when i used to relapse 2 months ago. When i relapsed on addiction, i was too lazy to do activities, like writing, i didn't even write ahy single blog at all, while experimenting on another way to NoFap, and.. i failed..

Yeah, i think, writing is still the best way for me to succeed again in NoFap, and also to reach better life..
And right now i am back writing stuff, because for me... it's better this way..

NEW MORNING! NEW STRUGGLE!

Thursday, 21 January 2016

05:19 a.m (GMT+7)

Good morning folks. I just woke up after large hours of sleep. Lately, i feel so depressed after failing one of my exam. At least, i failed a chance to get a cumlaude. It also made me relapse yesterday. And it made me more... depressed..

It took me about hours to cure from my depression. I even had a small fight with my mother, and i just found out that the curse is BACK!! I mean, like, 1 year ago, if i relapsed my addiction, i will have a small fight with my mom, the fight is not related with my porn addiction. It can come from any source, maybe my laziness, or my stupid acts, or whatever. My mom will get angered at me. Lately, i didn't feel the curse on my latest relapses. But, now, i feel it again!!

So, last night, i chatted on one WHATSAPP group with this,

"I SWEAR TO GOD...

I WILL NEVER RELAPSE ANYMORE!!! TODAY WILL BE MY LAST RELAPSE!!

IF I RELAPSE, I WILL TELL OPENLY ABOUT MY PORN ADDICTION ON FACEBOOK!!"

Thank GOD they are supporting my acts, so i feel really great eventhough my depression didn't go as expected. So, i decided to take lots of sleep, since i heard from a proverb saying that "pillows will solve your problems".

And right now, it's already in the morning, i started again my struggle to beat my porn addiction. I decided to write again, so i can express what i feel and i hope i can still inspire lots of people to quit my porn addiction..

About the revealing, i have a plan to do it after one month of success. Please pray for me!

NEW MORNING, NEW STRUGGLE!!

GOD, I SHOULD HAVE ASKED MORE FROM YOU...

Wednesday, 20 January 2016,

10:44 a.m (GMT +7)

I just finished three of my five big examinations. And, right now, i just finished my third big exam. It's just remediations, i mean.. a test to repair my bad mark. I did well on my 2 exams before, but my third one didn't work well.

Let's just say... I failed to increase my mark..

And the bad news for me is after doing some calculations, i am about to fail to reach my target, right before i entered university, i have a target to reach GPA > 3.5 (out of 4 of course), that's also the requirement to reach cum laude. I really want to make my parents proud, or everything. Even if i succeeded on the rest 2 of my exams, i still can't save my mark. So, i feel really bad for it.

But, yeah, at least, i am still proud of myself because i worked really hard, but after doing some reflections, i realized that i didn't include GOD in my activities. I mean, like.. I didn't include GOD more in this. Just a little, because i am sure i can do it. That's why i didn't score good on the third exam.

GOD, forgive me for the bullshit i have done so far.. I should have asked more from you...

SOCIAL MEDIA IS SOMETIMES.... CRAZY

8 January 2016, 08:26 p.m (GMT+7)

If you're reading this, maybe i want to express some rage, or some concerns, i am sorry if maybe, some of you guys will feel irritated or... whatever..

I know, right now, i am on my Day 8 of this NoFap challenge, and for some reasons, when you are on the first week, you started to get some kind of sensitive or anger from some sources you may not predict.

Yeah, folks.. You know, i have been on social media or a really long time, like almost half my age.. my first encounter on social media is on Friendster, i started to be active on Friendster since 2008, and right now, i have joined lots of social media, let's say Twitter (you may know from this blog that i have twitter), Facebook, Instagram, kik, Line, Whatsapp, etc.

But, the funny thing about my social media life is i have lots of friends on social media comparing to my real life, like that's why for some reasons, i love spending time on social media, chatting with my friends who i have never seen. So, for some reasons also, you may never know about your friends' characters, or maybe face languages or even voice tones (somehow it also determines your personality), since it's just full of chats, texts, or maybe... emoticons

So, here is the story why i feel irritated on social media!

2 days ago, i just replied my close friend's tweet, on that tweet he said,

"Do you really know that my celebrity crush will have his birthday 202 days later?"

I jokingly replied,

"I don't care"

I think, my friend know about my tweeting style, since we used to have chats on twitter or maybe on some messengers and i used the same style, like even when i joked around my close friend, i sometimes forgot to add "hehe" or "lol" or some happy emoticons when i joke.

example : "I don't care... hehe", you know... i just want to make my tweet more effective.. lol

And, minutes later, he subliminally dissed me on his next tweets (i mean threw a shot at me on twitter), and the bad thing is his friend also responded by throwing another shots at me. I mean, like.. seriously??

Reading his tweet made me kind of shocked, i mean, like.. If you think, i did something wrong to you via twitter, just send me a private message, and ask for clarification. You can't just conclude something easily and you tweeted some shots at me, dissing me like that.

So, after that, we decided to chat each other just for the clarification, i started the chat though, so i just want to make everything clear, before we started a fight, just because a stupid tweet. And, he said that he felt really irritated just because of my response to his tweet. So, yeah, we decided to apologize each other, but honestly, i already lose my respect on him, or maybe, let's just say, my respect towards him has decreased after that tragedy.

From this lesson, i just found out that people have different approaches when it comes to social media.

There is the one who always posts everything around him/her, like feelings, or maybe about activities
There is also the one who posts without mentioning everyone (i hate this guy, sometimes i used to do it)
There is also the one who posts some meaningful stuff, like opinions, or maybe facts

And, on social media, we can't know whether the person is joking or not, we don't know the characteristic of each other, we don't know also about how the person really looks like in the real life. As you know, there are lots of person who got cheated on social media. So, i think, from now on, be careful when you post something on social media, so you won't feel the same experience as me. Right now, i am still thinking about that event that i started to dislike him as person.

Yeah, you know, social media is sometimes.... crazy
Just decrease your time there, and focus on something productive

WELCOME 2016 : REFLECTION AND RESOLUTION

1 January 2016, 0:03 p.m (GMT+7)

FINALLY.. WE ALREADY REACHED 2016!!

I think, some people on social media will post like this..
"First .... in 2016"  for those who has already celebrated New Years, like my country

or maybe "Last .... in 2015" for those who is still on 2015. Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

Maybe, some of you, readers are preparing for lots of stuff in the New Years' Eve, but we didn't celebrate it here, eventhough around my house, there are lots of fireworks.. But, we really don't care about New Year, i think, it should not be celebrated that much, like going on festival or some noisy places, or screaming "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

Because, every new thing, or new milestone, or whatever, contained two things, which are REFLECTION AND RESOLUTION

REFLECTION is yeah, we have to look back on what we already have done in 2015, whether it's good or bad. We have to take notes on every significant thing, so we can learn.

I think, 2015 had good and bad memories in me.

The good thing is i started this blog, get lots of positive feedbacks about this blog, finished my thesis, almost had a girlfriend, So, yeah, let's remember good things behind..

While, the bad thing is i got low grades often, relapsed often, anyway, i relapsed on the last day of 2015, so yeah, today is not the Day 1 of 2016, and also Day 1 of my new NoFap cycle.. 

So, from these mistakes, i think, the only way for me to succeed in this NoFap struggle is by getting busy, this is why i realized i need to manage my blog again, it's been a really long time not blogging. So, i am deciding myself to come back! But, not only i will blog here, i will also write on some sites, and maybe, make YouTube videos about everything..

Anyway, if you realized something, i also changed my blog title, because i just want to be better day by day, not just quitting this Pornography addiction. So, maybe, i can just give you some motivational quotes or lesson i can take from everything. My YouTube channels will also be titled the same, but due to some busy activities, maybe, my YouTube videos will only have low quality videos, but.. yeah, it is not about the quality, but it's about the message inside the video, so i don't really care that much.

Okay, so after taking notes and reflection on what we just experienced in 2015, here comes the RESOLUTION! Yeah!! We are talking about targets we hope to achieven in 2016. We can put high target, but yeah, let's make our wish real. Note what you really want to achieve in 2016, you don't need to put high target, just put some small significant targets and work hard for it!!

So, of course, i personally have RESOLUTION FOR 2016! Here are mine!

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION 2016 (so far)

1. I want to make this year as a 95-100% NoFap year, it means that i want to make about 95-100% of days in 2016 as a NoFap, it means that i won't do something related to this PMO thing, i mean Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm

2. I want to graduate this year and also advance to the next phase of my college, which is CLINICAL ROTATION. I want to at least, know about some diseases i will face in the primary care setting, and also i want to succeed in all exams i will face in 2016.

3. I am targeting for 100 posts in every blogs i managed, including this blog, my personal blog, and the sites i am planning to contribute (it's in Indonesian, anyway, but i will write somehting on English)

4. I am targeting for 30-40 YouTube videos on my channel, anyway, maybe this year, i am planning to buy a new laptop, since my laptop right now quite damaged.. hehe, so maybe i can do editing and stuff.

5. I am planning to write a book about health, or maybe, about my struggle to beat pornography..

So far, these are my resolutions, still got more to come maybe, after thinking.. I just wake up after preparing for an exam, actually still need to face some more exams on this month. So, please PRAY FOR ME!!

THAT'S IT FROM ME!!'

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016 and MAY 2016 BE WITH US!!

Amin..