Life Is Unpredictable (Thoughts On Orlando)

13 June 2016, 10:16 p.m (GMT+7)

First of all, as a Muslim, i want to send my deepest condolences to the victims of shooting in a nightclub in Orlando. I also ask for you all the readers not to denounce Muslim as terrorist religion, since we know that the shooter is a Muslim, and the nightclub that get shot is a gay club.

source : heavy.com

To be honest with you, my religion, Islam is really against any form of LGBTQ, but it doesn't mean that we have to mock them, or even end their life. We still need to respect them and pray the GOD for the best situation for them, because GOD can judge them, not US. The same thing we should also do to everyone who hates Muslim and condemn us as terrorists or whatever bad it is.

Just a matter of fact, i don't even get how a Muslim shot these 50 people in a nightclub while all of Muslims are right now on Ramadan month, doing fasting, and losing our desires. And, this guy even decide to kill people. He must be a fake Muslim, because Ramadan is actually used as a test to cleanse ourselves from sins and some bad desires, including sex and pornography from sunrise to sunset. But, we have to apply this also everyday. WHY IS HE DOING THAT??

Anyway, Ramadan Mubarak to all Muslims around the world!

source : assabile.com

Speaking of Orlando, last weekend must be really tough for that city. TWO headlines are coming from the city last weekend and they are all about shooting!. We know about the nightclub shooting that has killed 50+ people took place in the city. But, 1 day before this, another tragic shooting happened quite near from the nightclub. It only took one person's life, but she's not just a person. The victim is a famous YouTuber and musician named Christina Grimmie. She was shot after her concert by someone that just came to Orlando to shoot her. The shooter also died.

source : rt.com

Most of you might know her from The Voice, yeah she ranked 3rd there and get some mentoring from Adam Levine (Maroon 5 vocalist). But, i have personally known her even before she auditioned for The Voice. She often uploads her covering some pop songs on YouTube. My first introduction to her was about 5 years ago when she did a song by Nelly called "Just A Dream", and i was impressed by her voice and also her look. She is so beautiful, and you can even see that beauty from the inside. She has a really great smile, and seems so down-to-earth.

"Now if you ever love somebody, put your hands up, and now they're gone and now you wish you could give them everything"
Now, this part is really sad. Never cry like this in every celebrity's death. It's almost the same as my grandfather's death 7 months ago.

I kinda want to say she has turned into a celebrity crush for me (anyway, i really have lots of celebrity crushes). Yeah, i had a really big crush on her. It is crazy because i used to listen to her songs, download her YouTube videos, even posted her lyrics on my social media accounts. So crazy moments, even i shared her videos to some of my friends. I think that she introduced me to the good side of YouTube (yeah, right now, we have seen lots of stupid stuff on YouTube). Anyway, i also found out that i even made a fan video about her.

Believe me. That's my video. I made it 4 years ago. I was 16 years old and so maniac about her at that time. Right now, i already changed my laptop and also i don't use anyone as new my wallpaper. I just used a random screenshot from my favorite music video by Kendrick Lamar called "Alright".

Oh My God! I really wrote about her so much i even forgot to tell the main thing about this post. Her death was a shocking news not only to her fans, but also to lots of her friends, fellow YouTubers, or even musicians. Lots of celebrities shared their condolences and even tributed her in their own performances, such as Charlie Puth, Miranda Lambert, Fifth Harmony, Meghan Trainor, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. WOW! I think, for all the celebrity death reports in 2016, this may be the worst i have ever read, since lots of deaths were due to some chronic diseases. 

From all the 2 incidents above, i learned a really important thing that

"LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE, WE KNOW THE STARTING POINT BUT WE DON'T KNOW THE END"

If i can ask to them now, or maybe in the past, they choose not to die like this. But, GOD made a different decisions for them. We may get angry, regretful, or even sad, but it already happened. And maybe while reading this, we may ask

"How if these things happen to you?"

So, by this post, i just want to remind you guys, and also for myself that while we are still living in this world, we need to spread lots of love to each other. Spread some positivity, do lots of positive things, enjoy the struggle and work hard. And if you still have mistakes toward people, just ask for apologize and also, forgive everyone for their mistakes they have done to you.

"You only get one shot, do not miss your chance and blow
Cause the opportunity comes once in a lifetime"Eminem - Lose Yourself

To end this post, i just want to say

Rest In Peace to 50+ people that get murdered in Orlando nightclub, and
Rest In Peace to my old time celebrity crush, Christina Victoria Grimmie.

4/100 : GAINING SOME WEIGHTS! (+Evaluation

13 February 2016, 8:28 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 4

So, basically, i just want to do some food delivery today, and i just realized that i've been so much food lately these days. It even makes me feel some kind of way.. I mean, bad!

Yeah,  i feel really afraid on my body image, because i don't want to get fatter because it is just dangerous for our health (you know, i am right now in obese image, and i want to get off that image, because obesity can lead you to some metabolic diseases)

So, i decided to check on my body weight, and EXACTLY!! I JUST GAINED SOME WEIGHTS!! My weight just increased for about 2 kgs, it is like 4 pounds or something. And of course, i feel bad about it!

I don't feel bad because i hate being fat people, but i just hate being unhealthy people. If i check on my BMI (body mass index), right now, i am in obese status, which has more risks to get some metabolic diseases, like diabetes, stroke, heart attack, or maybe CANCER! You all know that cancer is a really dangerous disease that can kill anyone! I already wrote this on my last posts (i guess)

Anyway, right now, i decided to evaluate on why i gained some weights!

First, i eat lots of snacks! And also eat lots of foods, i didn't eat healthy foods, i just ate some junk foods

Second, i seldom take physical activity, or maybe with less intensity

Third, i don't check my weight frequently (i used to check it everyday, but today, i even forgot to check it)

Anyway, tomorrow, i will be joining a seminar about how to get healthy, i just hope it will motivate me to be a better in life, and also to have 24 hours of better life!!

I am just thinking maybe i should get some laxatives or something, so i might probably go for some anorexia nervosa. But, yeah, i just want to look healthy! THAT'S IT!!

4/100 : THE TRUTH ABOUT ISLAM

13 February 2016, 8:41 a.m (GMT+7)

Day 4

Finally, i have reached Day 4, and it's really crazy, i've got so many urges, but i can overcome it well. Right now, i finally have one of my good friends who will be joining my NoFap struggle and it's always good that we can support each other for better life.

Anyway, i haven't written for a really long time, because i really lack of inspiration, and also some concentrations to write, though. It's crazy, because i haven't felt any urge to write some stuff, and i just read about the Beyonce's Superbowl Performance that just got lots of controversies, like it was talking about Black Panther or something, about the Black Lives Matter movement, or something. I think, it came first from a young female anchor named Tomi Lahren, while criticizing Beyonce's performance as.. a protest against police, it's just a protest against police brutality, which is somehow crazy and i can also relate to this, since some of police officers in my country are also acting like they can't do.

You know, some of them just want money and promotion, or maybe.... women, it's not a secret anymore though, because in my country, there are lots of police officers do that thing (i just hope it will be decreasing).

Anyway, i am not in a good position to talk about that, but when i searched about Tomi Lahren on YouTube, i also found an interview of her with Pamela Geffer, that is commonly known as an "Islamophobia" or maybe, in the better way, we can say it as "a person who is against Jihadism", where they finally agree to combat Jihadism on what have some "Muslims" done in America (it even leads to Donald Trump's statement to ban any Muslim immigrants to enter USA, which doesn't make any sense) and also they also agree on combating Radical Islam.

(there is a YouTube video of the interview, and all the comments toward it are just bullshiting our religion)

So, i decided to visit Pamela Geller's blog about Muslim and i saw how biased her posts are about Muslim, most of them are relating about terrorism and some violence Muslims do to force them to convert to Muslim, and the bad thing is she wrote her posts under the tag "The Truth About Islam"

Okay, here is the truth about Islam!

First of all, Islam if you check for the etiological meaning, it is from the word "Salam", it means Peace. So, yeah, Islam itself means Peace. So, why are people bragging about Islam?

Because Islam supports terrorism? Islam forces people to convert to it? Islam promotes Violence? Islam is weird?? Islam has some radicals? Islam is not tolerant?

Friends, don't believe on some media says about Islam! We are actually a good people and we are taught to be it. We are against terrorism, we are against violence. Some of the people who did the violence, or we just say that as an extremist, or maybe radicals, they are not really learning our religion well. They just took some verses from the Qur'an, and yeah, they just took it, they don't learn deeper about the message contained on that verses.

Let's talk about ISIS! People really hate them, and so do we! ISIS is just a mockery for our religion. And, you just said that they are killing Non-Muslims? YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG? They even killed lots of Muslim people in some Muslim countries, like Syria, or Palestine, or even my country! Really.. They just bombed one of our places a month ago.

Here is the link!
ISIS claims responsibility for Jakarta gun and bomb attacks (January 2016)
or maybe this video!

And Islam also promotes tolerance! REALLY!! People are currently protesting on Islam as the most increasing religion in the world. But, i just think, because people also have a good time on knowing the message of Islam. It's not because they are forced to be a Muslim. We don't force them! If there is someone forcing you, i suggest you not to follow him. Because, for me, that person is not actually a real Muslim, he/she already got sins, for not respecting other religion.

Basically, it means that there is no forces to convert to Islam, really. Even, our Holy Qur'an told about that (you can ask me for the proof if you want). We are just told to spread the value of Islam in a good and peaceful way, not by committing violence or bombing. Because, we see all people not from their religions, we only see them from their characters, or maybe their looks (just kidding!), but as long as you are a good and respectful person, you are good for us! We are not going to bomb you or shoot you.

So, basically, that's the simple truth about Islam. I just hoped Islamophobia don't exist again in every country, especially in USA (since i heard Ben Carson and Donald Trump have negative thoughts on Islam, it means we are afraid of what will happen this year if both of them become president of USA, and how the relationship will go within USA and my country), or France, or Australia, or everywhere. 

So, as a Muslim, i want to ask for forgiveness for everything ISIS or some "radical Muslims" do to your country! They are actually a big mockery and false representative for us, they just take verses from Holy Qur'an and don't digest it well. We are Religion of Peace..

I see all of you guys based on your character, not your religion or what you believed in. I hope you see the same from me.

Feel free to contact me through Twitter, and Facebook, i will try to answer it the best, or you can just search about it if you want :)

God Bless You, guys! And have a great time!

PS : This is a video on what some people say about Islam, most of them are good statements... 

DAY 5 : LEARNING FROM CREED

8 February 2016, 7:52 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 5

Lately, i've been feeling a little bit of unmotivated to write something. I finally got my motivation on. I used to find some inspirations from some movies, or maybe videos, not only news of course.

And, yesterday, i just finished watching a good movie, it's titled Creed. If some of you didn't know, it's actually kind of a spinoff from a famous boxing movie, Rocky. The storyline is taken several years later, i think, in the Rocky IV, it was found that Rocky's long-time mentor and rival, Apollo Creed died after some terrible boxing accidents, he was beaten fatally by Ivan Drago on an exhibition match (Damn!)

Several years later, it was found out that Apollo Creed has a biological son, named Adonis. He also had a good talent in boxing while before working in a good company. Adonis decided to quit the job and pursue his talent in boxing, continuing his biological father's legacy. He also met Rocky (also starred by Sylvester Stallone) and asked whether he could train for Rocky, and he accepted it knowing that Adonis is his mentor's son.

After several training and exercises, Adonis finally had a chance to join the boxing match, and he won the match, and caught people's attention, especially about his relationship with Apollo Creed. It also caught the attention from the World Champion, "Pretty" Ricky Conlan, it finally ended in the championship match between both of them. The media and people already underestimated Adonis, thinking that he is just a spitting image of his father, and also a mistake, since he also hadn't met his father.. all his life

The underestimation also continued during the awaited match, people predicted that Adonis will last less than 12 rounds, or get knocked out by Conlan. This is where the good thing happens, Adonis really struggled so much, trained harder and harder to win. At that match, Adonis traded lots of punches with Conlan, and the spectators started to give respect for Adonis. And in the 11th round, Adonis fell after receiving heavy punch from Conlan, but, it didn't turn out well for the Champion because Adonis decided not to give up, and even he still wanted to continue for 12th round and said this

"I just want to prove them that i'm not a mistake"

These words are so good, it even made Rocky saluted him so much, even gave him some motivations to fight against his cancer.

So, the last round is still on, and it is a BIG SURPRISE!! By all the hard work, finally he made Conlan fell down! But, Conlan still stood up and he declared the winner and still remained his championship belt.

Yeah, Ricky Conlan wins the fight, but really, Adonis Creed wins the night for not giving up and still doing his best and making a really sensational performance! Adonis even got saluted by Conlan for his incredible performance

This movie teaches us that during every struggle, we don't need to give up easily from many obstacles. We should face it, in the best way we can, whatever we lose or we win, they will appreciate what you've done and maybe, they salute you.

I also will use this message during my NoFap struggle, because i think, for this effort, i may have lots of obstacles, or we can just say as "urges". I got so many urges  on my 5 days struggle, i still make my best to overcome it. The urges may be getting bigger and bigger, so did Adonis, he will see bigger obstacles after that.

I really like this movie, i think it should have been nominated for Oscars 2016 (you know, the nominations are so controversial, #OscarsSoWhite), it is also a really good spinoff for Rocky. I also found out that the man who played Ricky Conlan in this movie is also a professional boxer, lol!

But, yeah, watch this movie and get motivated, for 24 hours of better life!

DAY 2 : MY NEW FUTURE DREAM

5 February 2016, 8;54 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 2

Hello guys! I'm about to pass my second day of free PMO! Lately, i have been feeling lots of urges today. I really can't get over it, it's even hard for me to take a nap today, but THANKS GOD!! I managed to save from my heavy urge. So, yeah, the struggle is still on!

Anyway, right now, i started to use this blog and maybe, my other blog (it's in Indonesian, though) to deliver my message on porn addiction, because i think, i just find my new future dream, which is to be a writer! I really want to share my experience on overcoming porn addiction, my friend suggested me to use my writing for some bigger media. I just actually registered myself as a writer in Fight The New Drug, you can visit them here, i hope i got accepted  to write for that site.

I also decided to start writing for my Indonesian blog, and also in Indonesian language, because i think that, to start making influences, you need to really start from the small thing, yeah, i mean, start from my country, or maybe my city. Because, i know, there are lots of porn addicts out there in my country, as we can see eventhough the access to pornography sites is blocked, they can still access porn from so many ways. Even we can still access porn sites on Internet cafe, or even there are some twitter accounts to share some sexy model photos, or share some adult video links.

And, not only that, in my university, there is also a graduation paper discussing about the study case of people who watches Japan Adult Video (JAV), that porn genre is actually kind of big in my country, since we also like Japan culture (i just like the music and drama, though, but i still want to go there).

I also wish one day i will start creating an organization to inform Indonesian people about the danger of porn addiction, i know it will gain some attacks from some man's magazines (anyway, we have lots, but most are distributed on the Internet), yeah, because we know that porn is right now a new drug, there is no specific place or room for porn addict to rehabilitate in my country, and i want to be the first one to make it.. I wish one day.

Amen.

DAY 1 : DISEASE ALSO COMES FROM THE SOUL!!!

4 February 2016, 6:50 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 1

Let's just say, i haven't completely finished my Day 1 yet. But, yeah, i just want to put this as my Day 1 post though, since i just think, I WILL FINISH MY DAY 1. I feel really optimistic on it, i just re-download my application i used when i reached 45 DAY STREAK!!

Anyway, today, i decided to read a book i bought for about 1-2 months ago (i guess), it's actually called "99 Inspirasi Petang untuk Setiap Muslim", or you can just translate it as "99 Evening Inspiration for A Muslim", but actually, it's not only for Muslim, i think, some other religions can use the message from these books as well, because i think, we can get the message logically.

One of the pages i read is about the disease and how it relates with our soul, i am also writing this to commemorate World Cancer Day. Since Cancer has become a really dangerous disease for everyone, and people are really afraid to get that. There are lots of famous people who died after battling with cancer, like Steve Jobs, or more recently, the legendary musician, David Bowie. We also know that cancer is actually caused by something might be wrong with our immune system.

It's not even something new anymore that there are some medical complaints that are mainly caused by our psychologic condition, this is called as "psychosomatic disease", like joint pain, muscle cramps, abdominal cramps, or even hypertension, or headache. Even the doctor in my country can't access them well, it kinda sucks, because psychosomatic disease is actually the most disease that is often consulted in our primary health care (note for me!)

Anyway, what is the relation with our soul and cancer?

Let's be real honest. Some medical researches have shown a correlation within our soul condition and immune system. When we get angry, our immune system might be depressed, so that's why we can easily catch some diseases just because we get angry or maybe we get depressed over something. or maybe even if we have bad characters, such as being apathic, negative thinking, or always feel lonely. This can possibly lead you to some chronic diseases, like diabetes, heart disease, hepatitis, or even cancer. So, yeah, keep your feeling and thinking positive!!

And of course, i can really relate this to my NoFap struggle, because porn addiction can sometimes cause you stress (especially after you relapsed), feel guilty, apathic, negative thinking, easily sensitive. It also can decrease your immune system as well, so i can just say that porn addiction can indirectly lead you to cancer. I say it, INDIRECT!!! NOT DIRECT!!!

So, yeah, watch out! Maintain your soul condition, not only your physical condition, because disease can also come from the soul, not just the body!!

Have a good struggle and let's fight together for the 24 hours of better life!!

TAKING DRIVING LESSONS..

28 January 2016, 11:29 a.m (GMT+7)

Good afternoon folks from Indonesia! Anyway, i am just having a good day, while i find out, i just got a good mark from my previous courses!! YEAAAY!!

Yeah, still need to wait for the other courses, so i could probably get my GPA >3.5, which means i will graduate with cum laude. Anyway, right now, i don't have classes anymore, because i already finished my academic process. I am supposed to have a graduation ceremony on May. But, i need to wait for my clinical rotation, i mean, the date, or whether i am qualified to join the First Phase of Clinical Rotation. If i passed, i will join it on March. Looking forward to them!

To fulfill my spare time, right now, i am taking some lessons, like writing lessons (like i supposed to do), and also.. DRIVING LESSONS!! Yeah! I just bought a car, or let's say, i was bought a car by my parents, yeah, it's good, because i need to have a car for my Clinical Rotation, since i will be going everywhere, so i need some good vehicles. I used to ride my motorcycle, but i can't use it for long-distance importance.

Actually, the last time i took driving lesson was about 1,5 year ago. And, i decided to take again since i need to be able to drive my new car, it's still fresh outta garage, though. Anyway, this is my second day, i supposed to take driving lessons for about 1 week for now. So, i can bring my own car real quick, of course, maybe with some errors (let's just say, minor accidents, but let's make it to zero).

During the lesson, my instructor told me that the importance when it comes to driving is the calmness and concentration. Those are my biggest weakness in life, i can't keep calm, and also i can't concentrate well, that's why during my several struggle to beat my porn addiction, i experienced so many relapses. I really can't concentrate well also, that also blocks me to post something on my blog (i supposed to write something 2 days ago, but it wasn't released even, my bad). I just hope i can master my driving skills and also master my concentration skills.

Concentration and calmness are also needed for me as a medical students (or let's just say doctor wannabe). we need a really good concentration while handling some medical cases that needed a really accurate approach, and also calmness to make us remain professional to the patient's family. I just hope that these courses will indirectly help me to increase my concentration and calmness skills.

So, right now, let's advance for my better life, then!!

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY

Friday, 22 January 2016

8 : 09 p.m (GMT + 7)

Today, i just finished my first day of re-struggling for this NoFap.. yeah, i mean, getting rid of my porn addiction. It was a really tough day, the urge is getting stronger. It is really hard because after successfully become abstinence for 45 days, i experienced so many relapses. Even in the first month, i relapsed 3 times.

Yeah, it is really bad for me since right now, i am targeting to have my 95% days of 2016 without porn, so far i relapsed 3 times, it means i have 3 days of porn. It is kind of bad start because we didnt finish first month f 2016 and i have been exposed to porn for 3 days. i started to get pessimistic on my target.

But, it is still the first month of 2016, there are still 11 months left, so, i still need to struggle more on my target, and for that, i checked on how i succeeded to reach 45 days free porn. And i think that i succeeded because of my writing habit. At that time, i used to write everything i feel, i experienced, i read, or whatever comes to my mind. I also shared this to some of my accountable friends, i always participate in NoFap-related group even join the YouTube hangout (i wish i still have it).

By doing those activities, i feel more triggered to do positive things, more than when i used to relapse 2 months ago. When i relapsed on addiction, i was too lazy to do activities, like writing, i didn't even write ahy single blog at all, while experimenting on another way to NoFap, and.. i failed..

Yeah, i think, writing is still the best way for me to succeed again in NoFap, and also to reach better life..
And right now i am back writing stuff, because for me... it's better this way..

NEW MORNING! NEW STRUGGLE!

Thursday, 21 January 2016

05:19 a.m (GMT+7)

Good morning folks. I just woke up after large hours of sleep. Lately, i feel so depressed after failing one of my exam. At least, i failed a chance to get a cumlaude. It also made me relapse yesterday. And it made me more... depressed..

It took me about hours to cure from my depression. I even had a small fight with my mother, and i just found out that the curse is BACK!! I mean, like, 1 year ago, if i relapsed my addiction, i will have a small fight with my mom, the fight is not related with my porn addiction. It can come from any source, maybe my laziness, or my stupid acts, or whatever. My mom will get angered at me. Lately, i didn't feel the curse on my latest relapses. But, now, i feel it again!!

So, last night, i chatted on one WHATSAPP group with this,

"I SWEAR TO GOD...

I WILL NEVER RELAPSE ANYMORE!!! TODAY WILL BE MY LAST RELAPSE!!

IF I RELAPSE, I WILL TELL OPENLY ABOUT MY PORN ADDICTION ON FACEBOOK!!"

Thank GOD they are supporting my acts, so i feel really great eventhough my depression didn't go as expected. So, i decided to take lots of sleep, since i heard from a proverb saying that "pillows will solve your problems".

And right now, it's already in the morning, i started again my struggle to beat my porn addiction. I decided to write again, so i can express what i feel and i hope i can still inspire lots of people to quit my porn addiction..

About the revealing, i have a plan to do it after one month of success. Please pray for me!

NEW MORNING, NEW STRUGGLE!!

SOCIAL MEDIA IS SOMETIMES.... CRAZY

8 January 2016, 08:26 p.m (GMT+7)

If you're reading this, maybe i want to express some rage, or some concerns, i am sorry if maybe, some of you guys will feel irritated or... whatever..

I know, right now, i am on my Day 8 of this NoFap challenge, and for some reasons, when you are on the first week, you started to get some kind of sensitive or anger from some sources you may not predict.

Yeah, folks.. You know, i have been on social media or a really long time, like almost half my age.. my first encounter on social media is on Friendster, i started to be active on Friendster since 2008, and right now, i have joined lots of social media, let's say Twitter (you may know from this blog that i have twitter), Facebook, Instagram, kik, Line, Whatsapp, etc.

But, the funny thing about my social media life is i have lots of friends on social media comparing to my real life, like that's why for some reasons, i love spending time on social media, chatting with my friends who i have never seen. So, for some reasons also, you may never know about your friends' characters, or maybe face languages or even voice tones (somehow it also determines your personality), since it's just full of chats, texts, or maybe... emoticons

So, here is the story why i feel irritated on social media!

2 days ago, i just replied my close friend's tweet, on that tweet he said,

"Do you really know that my celebrity crush will have his birthday 202 days later?"

I jokingly replied,

"I don't care"

I think, my friend know about my tweeting style, since we used to have chats on twitter or maybe on some messengers and i used the same style, like even when i joked around my close friend, i sometimes forgot to add "hehe" or "lol" or some happy emoticons when i joke.

example : "I don't care... hehe", you know... i just want to make my tweet more effective.. lol

And, minutes later, he subliminally dissed me on his next tweets (i mean threw a shot at me on twitter), and the bad thing is his friend also responded by throwing another shots at me. I mean, like.. seriously??

Reading his tweet made me kind of shocked, i mean, like.. If you think, i did something wrong to you via twitter, just send me a private message, and ask for clarification. You can't just conclude something easily and you tweeted some shots at me, dissing me like that.

So, after that, we decided to chat each other just for the clarification, i started the chat though, so i just want to make everything clear, before we started a fight, just because a stupid tweet. And, he said that he felt really irritated just because of my response to his tweet. So, yeah, we decided to apologize each other, but honestly, i already lose my respect on him, or maybe, let's just say, my respect towards him has decreased after that tragedy.

From this lesson, i just found out that people have different approaches when it comes to social media.

There is the one who always posts everything around him/her, like feelings, or maybe about activities
There is also the one who posts without mentioning everyone (i hate this guy, sometimes i used to do it)
There is also the one who posts some meaningful stuff, like opinions, or maybe facts

And, on social media, we can't know whether the person is joking or not, we don't know the characteristic of each other, we don't know also about how the person really looks like in the real life. As you know, there are lots of person who got cheated on social media. So, i think, from now on, be careful when you post something on social media, so you won't feel the same experience as me. Right now, i am still thinking about that event that i started to dislike him as person.

Yeah, you know, social media is sometimes.... crazy
Just decrease your time there, and focus on something productive

WELCOME 2016 : REFLECTION AND RESOLUTION

1 January 2016, 0:03 p.m (GMT+7)

FINALLY.. WE ALREADY REACHED 2016!!

I think, some people on social media will post like this..
"First .... in 2016"  for those who has already celebrated New Years, like my country

or maybe "Last .... in 2015" for those who is still on 2015. Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

Maybe, some of you, readers are preparing for lots of stuff in the New Years' Eve, but we didn't celebrate it here, eventhough around my house, there are lots of fireworks.. But, we really don't care about New Year, i think, it should not be celebrated that much, like going on festival or some noisy places, or screaming "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

Because, every new thing, or new milestone, or whatever, contained two things, which are REFLECTION AND RESOLUTION

REFLECTION is yeah, we have to look back on what we already have done in 2015, whether it's good or bad. We have to take notes on every significant thing, so we can learn.

I think, 2015 had good and bad memories in me.

The good thing is i started this blog, get lots of positive feedbacks about this blog, finished my thesis, almost had a girlfriend, So, yeah, let's remember good things behind..

While, the bad thing is i got low grades often, relapsed often, anyway, i relapsed on the last day of 2015, so yeah, today is not the Day 1 of 2016, and also Day 1 of my new NoFap cycle.. 

So, from these mistakes, i think, the only way for me to succeed in this NoFap struggle is by getting busy, this is why i realized i need to manage my blog again, it's been a really long time not blogging. So, i am deciding myself to come back! But, not only i will blog here, i will also write on some sites, and maybe, make YouTube videos about everything..

Anyway, if you realized something, i also changed my blog title, because i just want to be better day by day, not just quitting this Pornography addiction. So, maybe, i can just give you some motivational quotes or lesson i can take from everything. My YouTube channels will also be titled the same, but due to some busy activities, maybe, my YouTube videos will only have low quality videos, but.. yeah, it is not about the quality, but it's about the message inside the video, so i don't really care that much.

Okay, so after taking notes and reflection on what we just experienced in 2015, here comes the RESOLUTION! Yeah!! We are talking about targets we hope to achieven in 2016. We can put high target, but yeah, let's make our wish real. Note what you really want to achieve in 2016, you don't need to put high target, just put some small significant targets and work hard for it!!

So, of course, i personally have RESOLUTION FOR 2016! Here are mine!

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION 2016 (so far)

1. I want to make this year as a 95-100% NoFap year, it means that i want to make about 95-100% of days in 2016 as a NoFap, it means that i won't do something related to this PMO thing, i mean Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm

2. I want to graduate this year and also advance to the next phase of my college, which is CLINICAL ROTATION. I want to at least, know about some diseases i will face in the primary care setting, and also i want to succeed in all exams i will face in 2016.

3. I am targeting for 100 posts in every blogs i managed, including this blog, my personal blog, and the sites i am planning to contribute (it's in Indonesian, anyway, but i will write somehting on English)

4. I am targeting for 30-40 YouTube videos on my channel, anyway, maybe this year, i am planning to buy a new laptop, since my laptop right now quite damaged.. hehe, so maybe i can do editing and stuff.

5. I am planning to write a book about health, or maybe, about my struggle to beat pornography..

So far, these are my resolutions, still got more to come maybe, after thinking.. I just wake up after preparing for an exam, actually still need to face some more exams on this month. So, please PRAY FOR ME!!

THAT'S IT FROM ME!!'

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016 and MAY 2016 BE WITH US!!

Amin..

DAY 39 : AMMUNITION FOR RAINY SEASON

21 November 2015, 9:47 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 39

Good evening from Indonesia, folks!! It's Saturday, and still having holiday after exam. And, yeah, somehow feel lonely and bored that i have to struggle with some triggers and urges that may happen during these days..

Anyway, i just came back from shopping for about 5 hours ago, and on the way there, i had to meet rains with thunderstorms again. Maybe, some of you may have known that i had some fears of rainy season. I might think it's kind of phobia.. It's kind of relapsed phobia, because that was cured for about 8-9 years ago, and it hit me again this year, like last February.. So, right now, i feel really scared of any rain that happen.

My fear will increase also, because i just read the news that my city will suffer from La Nina, it's like the compensation effect of El Nino. El Nino itself is the prolonged duration of summer, or let's say, dry season.. Yeah, rain supposed to come on October, but, for this year, rainy season started in the middle of November. And, according to meteorologist, La Nina will reach my city in December, La Nina is like the cooling, so there will be increased rainfall, with quick winds and also, thunderstorms!

After exploring about my fear of rainy season, i concluded that there are 3 reasons why i am afraid of rainy season, which are thunderstorm sound, the lightning, and blackout! Yeah, my city often experience blackout if there is heavy rain with thunderstorms and quick winds. For those of you who doesn't know, blackout is a condition where you don't have any electricity at your house, or maybe your neighbourhood.

Okay, so, of course, i have to face my fear, as what my friends had suggested me, because the only way to cure yourself from the fear is by facing it! So, let me show you my ammunition for rainy season!!

1. For the thunderstorm sound and lightning, i applied a method called "desensitization", it is like, exposing yourself to material that can trigger your fear. So, for this method, i searched some YouTube videos related to those two, like compilation or whatever. Even, i watched the documentary of lightning, so i have to know how to save myself from lightning. Yeah, although we have overcome the fear, it doesn't mean, we don't need to stay away from it. It may danger yours, eventhough 90% of people who get struck will survive. But, yeah, to prevent is better than to cure, right?

So far, what i got from these method is, when the thunderstorm comes, stay inside. It will make you safer. But, yeah, i have to prepare at least for the lightning part, because it really makes me scared.. Maybe, for the thunderstorm sound, i can use headphones while raining, and listen to some music or maybe radio if i feel bored.

Not only that, so far, during the rainy season in my country, the thunderstorm and lightning are not that big, but yeah, still need to prepare. And also, from the videos i have watched so far, the great lightning hits some rural areas, yeah.. i live in the urban areas, so it may be fine for me, i hope so..

2. For the blackout, i have to do something which is not boring for me. Because, mostly, i used to live with some electronics, like computer and smartphone, or even WiFi connection. For now, i have bought lots of books, yeah.. medical books, religion books, motivation books, or even puzzle!! I also will buy some emergency lamp if in case, the blackout happens at night. So, i can learn or read something during the blackout. I also need to buy a powerbank to maintain the battery of my smartphone, in case, the blackout happens for a long time. Yeah, these rarely happens so far, but i still need to prepare for it.

3. I also need to start on doing cognitive therapy and relaxation therapy. Right now, i will find some meditation videos or controlled breathing methods, so when the rain comes, i try to remain calm and also realize that i am right now in safer place, so you will never experience thunder strikes.

I think, by applying these 3 methods, it will make me to survive during the forthcoming rainy season. Right now, my city is in the transition phase, yeah from dry season to rainy season. So, it's also a good time to prepare for the rainy season. Because, generally, rainy season is really great. You can feel calm by the sound of rain. I hope, i can also.. Amen..

DAY 38 : START TO WRITE AND SHARE!!

20 November 2015, 7:02 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 38

2 days to reach another milestone, which is 40 days of porn-free, or at least masturbation and orgasm-free, or whatever.. at least, not in the pornography world.

Yesterday, i just finished my assignment which is about narrative writing. I was asked to create a narrative text about someone who got a chronic illness, and i decided to write about myself. Because, i thought that addiction is also a chronic illness. It was supported by American Society of Addiction Medicine that, "addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory, and related circuitry". So, yeah, it depends on how we want to say it, but scientifically it's a chronic disease.

Anyway, i heard from the lecturer that the top 10 assignment will be published or at least, made a journal. First time, after submitting the assignment, i felt scared if this will be included in the top 10. But, now, i don't care much, because seriously, i think, this will be a really great moment or way to tell about my story, yeah, my story on how i struggled to get out from this porn addiction.

I am not afraid of anything, because, i am just being honest. I really like to be honest on everything, not everything though. But, at least, for this porn addiction, i am not afraid to share this to you all, right now. Because, it was or will be my past. And i will be proud to say this. I also wish that one day, my story can be an inspiration to another, or at least give benefits to other people.

Because, i was taught that the best person on earth is a person who always gives benefits to others. And why should i be hated for being honest?? Maybe, people will hate me, but, i think, it won't last long. Because, maybe, they didn't understand about it. Just think positive about it.

Anyway, let's be honest, i really enjoy blogging or typing all these posts in every single moment. Because why, i did this for lots of things. Let me tell you!

1. I really have passion for writing. I don't know, but i really enjoy it.
2. Writing can be a therapy for me. Sometimes, i still got urges on pornography, so i decided to open my blog and write something, yeah, at least a draft. And, suddenly, the urges started to decrease, and i can do another activities as well, like learning, reading, or whatever positive..
3. I have gained lots of positive feedback from my friends about my blog. Even i remembered one of my friend said this.
"I have seen your blog, seems that you are really a good writer"

Or even these statements

Sorry for all the names shared in this posts, but yeah, as you see above, no private chats, just saying "hello!" or "how are you doing", or discuss some general things.

So far, these are the reasons why i still continue writing and enjoy every single moments of it. Because for me, it will decrease my boredom..

I think, writing can be a good therapy also for you guys, especially if you guys want to get out from your bad past, like addiction.. Because, yeah, it really worked on me.. I have reached Day 38, and right now struggling for Day 39.. And, i reached that after using writing as therapy. I feel really good!

You can write in wherever you want, maybe in a diary, a special journal or even a blog. But, since blog is quite open, maybe, if you're afraid to share, maybe you can make it personal, or at least, share with some reliable friends, so they can cheer you or motivate you to keep writing. Then, you can also get motivated to succeed during your effort in quitting addiction

You can even write whatever you want, yeah, at least it doesn't hurt any people who will or may read it. You can't write about some racial issues, or ethnical issues, or stuff that may be dangerous. You can write about...

your love (like this post, DAY 14 : PORN DESTROYED MY LOVE STORY),
your thoughts (like this post, DAY 20 : FINDING TRUSTABLE FRIENDS)
your ideas (like this post,  ,DAY 1 : THE REAL STRATEGY FOR THE QUIT or this, DAY 3 : SLEEP EARLY, SO YOU WON'T RELAPSE)
your past events (like this post, DAY 25 : I JUST GOT ACCIDENT) 
your feelings (like this post, DAY 17 : FRIENDZONE (again)) ,
or even about your idol (like what i did through this, DAY 29 : I LOVE MYSELF! and this, DAY 21 : LEARNING LIFE FROM SAKURA (CHERRY BLOSSOM)
or even you can write some stuff, like letter (like this most viewed post, DAY 26 : DEAR PORNSTAR, I STILL LOVE YOU)
or maybe a diary..

IT'S UP TO YOU!!

I think, if you want, you can share your stories to your friends, or people who you believe. Don't be shy to share, i used to be that person also, like i am so afraid one day they will hate me or mock me. But, yeah.. DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM!! Just do something you love and love something you do. So, they will never laugh at you anymore..

But, yeah... it's up to you!

If you want so LET'S START TO WRITE AND SHARE!!

DAY 36 : CHANGE FOR THE 5-STAR YOU!!

18 November 2015, 11:12 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 36

Sorry for my late update, i just finished my exam, and i scored well, not as expected, because i expect to get a really high score, but, i can see some good improvements thanks to this NoFap challenge.

I really got low scores since i get addicted to pornography, it really decreased my concentration, eventhough my concentration is not increasing well, but at least, there is significant improvement on it. My grade really decreased significantly lately due to porn addiction. I can think this will improve if i keep being consistent and humble throughout these next days. I am still struggling for 100 days NoFap challenge.

Anyway, this module that i already finished the exam is about health system. So, yeah, it really taught me about health system, especially in my country (for some of you who didn't know about me, i am a medical student).

Some of the materials taught me about the definition of the doctor, especially on how the doctor should be, or should act to create a good health care. Listening and reading to these materials made me thinking that to create those good health care or of course, to create lots of benefits on the community i will be working on, I HAVE TO CHANGE MYSELF!!

Seriously at past, that my life is so fucked up, i am not that clever, my score is low, i have less friends, i am somehow easy to be emotional, i can't set things clearly, even my bedroom is not well maintained. I am not that discipline. And, in general, I AM REALLY BAD AND USELESS!!

But, this module and also throughout this NoFap challenge, i think that there is NO BAD AND USELESS person on this lovely planet, there are only good people who weren't treated well by community, that's it!

People were born for some reasons and also people can create benefits to each other.

Honestly, throughout these NoFap challenge, i feel certain changes happened.. I called it as benefit of course, because most of the changes are positive for me. It is of course, great.. But, the change that i mean is not only from how people treated me, but also on how i treated people, and of course how i treated my life. Like determining the vision, targets, or range of changes we wish.

So far, this module that i just learned made me realized that being a medical doctor is not about making big deal of money, being called the most genius person, or whatever.. But, being a medical doctor is about how to help people physically, mentally, or socially, in a holistic way. To do that, i also need to change physically, mentallly, or socially..

I have to admit that NoFap has helped me to change mentally and socially. But, just by hoping from the effect of NoFap is not enough, we really need to change ourself mentally or socially, we need to create some life goals, life visions, or whatever good. So, one day, we can be a great person in the future, and of course if i can change our life goals or visions, it will also assist you to succeed in NoFap.

So, i think, NoFap and life changes are deeply interconnected to each other. Like, NoFap can help me for changes, and changes can help you on NoFap.

So, for me, i have to set a good visions, like i need to be a better doctor, not just better, but also a 5-star doctor. I don't want to be only one-finger doctor, meaning that the doctor that only instructs everyone, like patient, nurse, or other staff. I need to be 5-star doctor, like care provider, decision maker, community leader, communicator, manager. I also need to start learning those 5 things, and apply it to community i am in, or i will be in, someday..

Maybe, you can also create some 5-star yourself, like what you supposed to be in the future, or maybe you can create your 5-star formula for better life in the future.

So, to succeed myself, don't just hope for changes/benefits in NoFap, but also create it by yourself.. Changes that i mean should be a better change for life, not change into the worse of course.

And, one day, you can be the 5-star you!!

DAY 28 : WE CAN BE HEROES

10 November 2015. 10:34 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 28

Finally, i just reached Day 28, mathematically, it is equal to 4 weeks. But, yeah.. Still not counted as 1 month then. WHY? But, yeah, i really need to struggle a little more, just 2 days left for 30 DAYS!!!

Anyway, in my country, today is National Heroes' Day. It is done to commemorate the struggle of our heroes to maintain our independence from colonizations by some countries, such as Japan and Netherlands. As you can see, people in my country celebrate the day by typing in social media, such as:

"Happy National Heroes' Day!!" or with some longer words that is exaggerating for me.

But, during this day, i started to ask myself, about the definition of the hero itself. So, i decided to look up on the dictionary, and find those meanings that can be relevant for us:

Hero (n) he.ro

Definition:
1. A person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, and noble qualities
2. A person who is greatly admired for great or brave acts or fine qualities

I think, definition number 1 really defines it. And, i started to ask myself, am i qualified as a hero? Or how can someone be called as a hero?

After several small research, i can conclude myself that we can't call myself as "heroes", because in my opinion, "heroes" are relative subject. You can also see that from the definiton that uses passive meaning, which is that "heroes" is given. It depends on how the person thinks.

Let's take some examples!

Nelson Mandela. He has helped on decreasing apartheid which was a big problem in South Africa. When he died, people hailed him as "national hero". But, i have never heard he called himself as a hero, because he did it with sincerity.

Ir. Soekarno. He is the proclamator or founding father of our country. He managed to make the independence happen in Indonesia, so we can be free from a devastating colonizations that we felt for about 500 years! When he died, people hailed him as "national hero". But he has never seen himself as a hero, because he just wanted to help people.

From these 2 examples, i think, the good quality that we should have to be qualified as a hero is:

1) Have great vision and passion
2) Have great courage
3) Have great and noble attitude
4) Have great sincerity
5) Always help and inspire each other

So, yeah.. As we can see above, heroes are not about having great body images, or great physical abilities. But, we can be called as "heroes" if we have those 5 kind of things at least. So, for now on, please try to have this and try to inspire others by this.

DAY 21 : LEARNING LIFE FROM SAKURA (CHERRY BLOSSOM)

3 November 2015, 11:25 pm (GMT+7)

Day 21

I finally reached 3 weeks! Wow it's crazy! I just even realized that benefit already kicks me, eventhough i still feel some urge from everywhere. Even 3 hours ago, i just feel urge, but just a smal urge, so i still have to prepare for the another one. YEAH!! ANOTHER ONE!!

2 hours ago, i just received phone call from my father, He told that my grandfather was sick and treated to hospital. THANK GOD, he has already come home safely. The doctor told him that something is wrong with his airway due to his smoking habit (he actually relapsed after 10 years quit smoking and it started 4 months ago), and also there is some kind of heart enlargement. 

My dad also asked to my aunt who treated my granddad, she told me that he has been experiencing lots of bad stuff, like insomnia, hard to urinate (pee) or even defecate (poo). But, sometimes, the incontinence happened, like he can poo or pee somewhere. My aunt also said that when she cleaned his room, she found his clothes are stained with poo. The best thing is she still remain patient for it, yeah, we know, when you are old, you will end up like a baby again, you will need help from everyone in your family. My dad suddenly told me that "it's time for him to die", i mean, it will take no longer time again or him to live. 

All of a sudden, that morning, i read an article about the philosophy of Cherry Blossom, usually called as Sakura in Japan (i like to use the word, because it's shorter). 

It is stated that Sakura is the symbol of the beauty of life, yeah, there is no eternity in our life, there is always an end in every start, whether it's good or bad. Extremely beautiful but quick end. As we already know, it only blossoms in several days, and it will fall down. For your knowledge, in Japan, Sakura will blossom at around January until March, starting from south to north.

look, how beautiful is it? I wish i can see it live in Japan!

But, it's not the only lesson i take from Cherry Blossom. I suddenly remembered one sentence that can also symbolize its definition.

"Anata mo, anata mo, minna no kokoro ni, Sakura Sake!"

It means "You too, You too, in everyone's heart, Sakura Bloom!".

This sentence is taken from a catchphrase (like introduction sentence) by a Japanese female idol named Sakura Miyawaki. She is the member of HKT48 (some of you maybe know about AKB48, it's their franchise, anyway). Ay, here is her photo (don't search on google, you will probably have an urge after that).

look! how beautiful is she?? i wish i can meet her in Japan

I really like this sentence (and the person also), it can give me another definition of Sakura, which is about the word "Bloom". 

It's not a secret anymore that people really want to see Sakura blossoms everywhere live! Taking photos, or maybe taking the leafs, or whatever. Even, people always note when the Sakura will blossom so they can save the date to come to see the beauty of it, yeah, until it falls down again. Because, people really love the beauty of Sakura across Japan.

This sentence can motivate me, while you're still blooming (living), you really need to do everything good and also feel good on everything, so, you can bloom in everyone's heart because of the good thing, you will be remembered for every good thing you did, not the bad thing. People will like you and respect you for that. This sentence is also the reason why i decided to quit porn addiction and do this NoFap challenge, because i really want to life like Sakura! I want to do really good things until it falls.

So, by combining all those meanings. I can conclude that the true lesson i can learn from is

"Sakura represents the beauty of life, it is not forever, but it blossoms in everyone's heart, because it's beautiful and good. 

The same way for our life, live it well and beautifully, so we can always remain in everyone's heart".

If you guys, want to know more about Sakura, or Cherry Blossom.. You can read it here!

Wikipedia about Cherry Blossom
Significance of Cherry Blossom (Huffington Post)
History and Movement of Cherry Blossom

DAY 15 - ALMOST RELAPSE (AGAIN)! (+Evaluation)

28 October 2015, 05:11 a.m (GMT+7)

Day 15

DAMN!! I almost relapsed.. Actually, when i slept, suddenly, a sex scene comes to my dream, i didn't peek on any porn-related stuff at that time, but it comes! And, in the end, i almost had an orgasm, i never felt this. Like, you usually have an orgasm, after masturbating. But, at this point, it's like a sudden orgasm.

But, thank GOD, i didn't make it, i still managed to maintain myself for not having any orgasm.. So, yeah, the struggle is still on!

When i woke up, i evaluated myself on what's wrong.. And, i found out that i almost relapsed, because i stayed up late, i slept at 1:00 a.m, i actually have slept at around 9 p.m, because i felt sleepy, and also i have a little problem with my laptop batteries. That's why i got this urge..

So, yeah.. prepare again for another urge!! And also, sleep earlier!!

DAY 11 : NEW SPIRIT TO BE PRODUCTIVE!! (especially on Writing)

24 October 2015 7:57 pm (GMT +7)

Day 11 (DAMN!! I JUST REACHED DOUBLE DIGITS!!)

After struggling on the big urge and trigger on Day 10 (or maybe 10,5). I decided to wake up and forget about it, in the morning around 8 a.m, i participated on a talkshow about enterpreneurship, emphasizing on how to become a trainer, writer, and counselor. Because, later, i really need these skills to be a better man in the future. And, after the talkshow, i really have a new spirit! Especially on writing!!

source : tumblr.com

As you have already know, i have been writing about my struggle to end this porn addiction in this blog, and for unpredictable reason, i will lose my motivation for writing. That talkshow really motivates me well, of course, in terms of how to become a trainer, counsellor and writer (it's all the theme anyway, haha).

The first theme of this talkshow is how to become a trainer. It was really great. I really feel the vibe from the trainer, she said that to be a great trainer, we need to be a "strong" person and also a clever person. She also said thatnas a trainer, we really need to have a good connection and be a little "reckless", because to be a trainer, we need to start from training small groups of people. For me, it is really important, because right now, i can train or motivate some of my friends about porn addiction, whether they have become addicted or not, so they won't touch stuff related to porn FOREVER (yeah, at least until they get married).

The second theme is about how to become a writer. This theme REALLY CHARGED ME UP!!! I used to be a writer, i even had a health blog (it's in Indonesian, anyway), but due to my porn consumption, i didn't manage it well.. it's actually not only because of porn, but also tight college schedule. The instructor also shared us his story of how he started as a writer due to some funny stuff, he criticized a stupid article about polygamy (one man marry to more than one woman) on a newspaper, and his critic is suddenly published on the same newspaper, it's axtually his very first article, he also said that he is not a top notch writer, because he never gets rejected by any newspaper until now.

What motivates me more from the second session is when he talked about the usage of writing, and he said that writing can be used as a therapy. And, i suddenly feel like "DAMN!! IT'S REALLY TRUE!!", i just realized that yesterday, i almost relapsed because i didn't write like what i supposed to do.. i actually agree that writing can be a therapy, and right now, i am starting it and it's my Day 11 writing..

He also told us about how writing can fly him abroad, and of course, i feel really motivated.. i really hope that one day, this blog will make people inspired not to be a porn sddiction, but it's not the reason why i wrote this blog. I also really dream to go abroad, 3 months ago, i just cancelled my contract to go to Lithuania due to college activity, and it's really baf for me. And i still wish, one day i will visit Japan, South Korea, or Saudi Arabia. I will tell you the reason later.

He also told us that writing should be done at least one time a day, and it can be everything,  it can be a diary (like this blog), an article, or whatever. And he also instructed us wherever or whenever any idea hits us, we should directly make a note on wherever media. Notes, tablets, whatever! This talkshiw REALLY CHARGED MY SPIRIT UP!!

I AM CHARGED UP!
Source : twitter

I even asked myself during that sessuon, "WHY DIDN'T I CONTINUE MY WRITING SPIRIT??", but it's not too late anyway. So, i have to continue!!

Actually, the last session is about how to be a counsellor, it's actually the same thing on how to be a trainer. So, it's not that significant, i even didn't pay attention to it, because i wrote my Day 10,5 post that time, lol!

So far, i think, the best therapy for this porn addiction for me is by writing. And right now, i am starting this! I hope i can shift my addiction from porn to writing (whatever).. The reason why? You can read this post!

Source : success.com

DAY 6 : LEARNING FROM PAST RELAPSES

19 October 2015 8:41 p.m (GMT+7)

DAY 6

Actually, i just know that the journey to quit Porn is mostly called as "NoFap Challenge", so yeah, i've been joining NoFap challenge for 6 days, it means this is my Day 6. To support that, i've engaged myself to so many groups related to NoFap. I have joined 2 WhatsApp groups related to NoFap, 1 kik group (i actually downloaded kik just to join the group, lol!), and 2 Facebook groups.

During those social media groups, i have gained so many friends worldwide (none of them from my country, and i feel really sad). And, on this Day 6, most of the conversations are about RELAPSES!!

In a Whatsapp group called "No Fapperz", there are 3 members that just relapsed on the same day and 1 member relapsed yesterday. And, on a kik group called "Battle Goal", people also talked about relapse.

Honestly, that makes me really worried about another possible relapse, since in these last 3 days, i have got some urges due to some stress (physical and emotional), i even had a dream on having wetdream (not due to porn, of course) yesterday (Thanks God it's not real, though).

You know, i have been 6 days struggling for this NoFap thing. And, some people remind me when you have reached 10-20 days, you are going to get some big tests that will end yourself getting relapse again. So, i decided to take a look back on how i relapsed and why i relapsed (mistake is the best teacher!).

source : twk92.wordpress.com

I already have made it on the Day 1 post, though.. you can read it here

So, in this post, i want to talk about the story of what actually happened during my past relapses!

1. My latest relapse!! (i remember the day because i wrote it here, and that made me start writing daily). It happened because i peeked on porn video, i did it because i feel sleepy at all, and i just hoped that after listening to some stimulus, i will be awake again.

But, in the end, i just keep searching for porn video, and BAM! I RELAPSED AT THAT TIME!! I even feel stressed that i kicked myself out from "No Fapperz" group in Whatsapp.

2. Relapse after the bad exam! (around 8 October). It happened because i just didn't score well at my exam, i was on Day 10 or 11, and i feel stressed. I can't even resist myself for watching porn, because i feel really spiritless. Even, after my friend in college motivated me, i still feel down (until now actually, but not really) at that time,

So i decided to reduce my stress after watching porn. But, this time, i just feel not concentrated at all, and keep watching the whole day (i relapsed at noon, and i even keep searching at evening).

3. Relapse after big stress! (around 19 September). This could be my longest streak, since... i actually don't know (maybe February this year). I was on Day 18-19 for NoFap. At least, this is my longest streak during my NoFap journey (i joined this NoFap journey since August this year).

Actually, 3 days before (16 Sept), i have just finished and passed my thesis examination (or maybe, graduating paper). And, day after that test, i feel really stressed for no reason, feel depressed for no reason, or feel spiritless at all. And, it all summed up with feeling lonely and uncontrolled, so i decided to "peek" again on something that makes me happy. And, yeah, as you know, i ended up finding porn materials. And, of course, I RELAPSED!

4. Relapse due to feeling lonely (1 September). This is actually crazy, because it happened on the day where i just went to college for 1-2 hours. And, i just peeked on audio sex (like phone sex recording or something). Yeah, i RELAPSED OF COURSE!! At that time, i really felt lonely, and had nothing to do

5. Relapse after a stressing exam (4 August). At that day, i just finished an examination. Really, it's unpredictable! It's not hard anyway, but the pressure i had from the examiners made the examination really hard! I even feel stressed after the exam. I was on Day 13 at that time, and i feel stressed. I feel lonely, and i think, if i watched porn video, it will make me better. So, yeah, I RELAPSED

6. Relapse on November 2014. I actually decided to stay abstinence because i registered as a Lab Assistant (it's really prestigious job for college student), so i have to take a test but 1 day before the test announcements. My laptop has just got broken. And, i feel really stressed, so of course, BAM! RELAPSE!!

And, from those relapses. I found that after you relapsed, you will find it hard to get back up. It means that you will need lots of days to start NoFap struggle again. I also felt the same on my latest relapse. I need about 4-5 days to be really serious on starting NoFap again.

Moral of those stories are... While you are on NoFap struggle, or let's say, having abstinence on PMO. Physical and emotional stress will come to you at anytime, it will cause you to have urge that will make you relapsed. So, all you have to do are:

1. STAY POSITIVE!
2. If you are alone in your home, GET OUT FROM YOUR HOME, GO SOMEWHERE YOU WANT! (and realize, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! GOD IS WATCHING YOU!)
3. Less Internet consumption, if you need, just go and find some interesting videos (or maybe Funny) (i did it and it was proven well, read it here!), or maybe read some nice articles
4. Have a cold shower, because it can increase your immunity, decrease your stress, and also decrease your fat, and of course, decrease your urge
5. When you have urge, tell some of your friends, so they can motivate you
6. If you are using VPN application, GO AND DELETE IT!
7. NEVER HAVE ANY INTENTION TO PEEK ON SOME PORN-RELATED MEDIA!

AND OF COURSE!! YOU GON' BE ALRIGHT!!

source : Kendrick Lamar - Alright (Official Music Video) screenshot