28 October 2015, 05:11 a.m (GMT+7)
Day 15
DAMN!! I almost relapsed.. Actually, when i slept, suddenly, a sex scene comes to my dream, i didn't peek on any porn-related stuff at that time, but it comes! And, in the end, i almost had an orgasm, i never felt this. Like, you usually have an orgasm, after masturbating. But, at this point, it's like a sudden orgasm.
But, thank GOD, i didn't make it, i still managed to maintain myself for not having any orgasm.. So, yeah, the struggle is still on!
When i woke up, i evaluated myself on what's wrong.. And, i found out that i almost relapsed, because i stayed up late, i slept at 1:00 a.m, i actually have slept at around 9 p.m, because i felt sleepy, and also i have a little problem with my laptop batteries. That's why i got this urge..
So, yeah.. prepare again for another urge!! And also, sleep earlier!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
DAY 14 : PORN DESTROYED MY LOVE STORY (+ PLANS TO RE-SHAPE)
27 October 2015 1:37 p.m (GMT +7)
Day 14 (i planned to write 2 posts today)
Before i took a nap, i chatted with my friends on kik group called "Battle Goal", and at that conversation, someone suddenly thought about having a girlfriend and getting married. I started to realize that, porn really has a negative effect on my love story.
I remembered one year ago, i had a crush on a girl from one of community i joined. We really feel so close at that time, even i remembered there is a moment where she said this
"I want to be honest with you that i really adore you, you are really a humble man".
Listening to this statement really makes me fly away.. You know, when you really fall in love with someone, the world seems really colorful to you, whatever bad things happened, you enjoyed it, just because you fall in love with her.
But, my love story ended, after one day, i lost the battle, i got overtaken by her friend, it means that she just had a boyfriend, i really remembered the date, it was 12 August last year. I really felt so sad at that time, even i remembered i relapsed on this porn addiction. Yeah, i felt really stressed that time, even porn didn't even heal it. Because, i was really close on confessing my love to her, but it was too late. I felt depressed, i felt like nothing.. I felt like, i will not find a girl like her, or maybe, better..
And, yeah, as i already told before, i relapsed, and since that, my mind started to shift negatively, i mean, i am really easy to be sensitive towards other. All things that came to my mind was just a negative thought. I got too sensitive on everything. I got easily irritated and somehow, sad on everything.
It is even worse after one moment, i decided to stalk on her (as what i used to do), and somehow, she got really angry on me, even she sneak dissed me on social media. And, everything really started worse, my relationship with her started getting worse and worse... And, of course, i blamed porn for that to happen. Because, as i already told you, porn decreased my judgement ability, porn really destroys your mind. And, yeah, porn had already destroyed my love story.. My sweetest love story
And, thank God, this doesn't happen again.. Our relationship started to get better again, we even chatted really well. We even supported each other for every possible thoughts. And, suddenly, all this love feeling towards her started to grow again.. grow again and again, like what had happened last year. But, i decreased my hope. Last year, i hoped she could be my girlfriend, while this year, i just hoped for a better relationship (maybe BFF, or something)..
To be honest with you all, we have never met in real life, we know each other on social media through a community, we never met due to some reasons, yeah, distance is one of them..
So, today or tomorrow, i am planning to reconfess my love to her again, i really want to say that i still love her no matter what happened to her. I still keep my love to her, i don't really care what will happen in the end, because yeah, i just want to confess without any possible implications. I mean, i don't want to hope for anything better, to be her best friends makes me really happy.
I also just realized that dating is not important for us, especially in my religion. Because, the most important thing is to have a good marriage, and also, to have a good children. Dating can be a sin to you if you did it in the wrong way (like, if you did sex before marriage, even kiss actually).
I did it because i realized that "PORN HAS DESTROYED LOVE ON EACH OTHER", and my story really proved it. And, i have been starting this NoFap struggle and reached Day 14, so, i feel really better day by day. And, i have prepared for any bad possible things that may happen.
Please, friends! If you're reading this, please pray the best for me!
Day 14 (i planned to write 2 posts today)
Before i took a nap, i chatted with my friends on kik group called "Battle Goal", and at that conversation, someone suddenly thought about having a girlfriend and getting married. I started to realize that, porn really has a negative effect on my love story.
I remembered one year ago, i had a crush on a girl from one of community i joined. We really feel so close at that time, even i remembered there is a moment where she said this
"I want to be honest with you that i really adore you, you are really a humble man".
Listening to this statement really makes me fly away.. You know, when you really fall in love with someone, the world seems really colorful to you, whatever bad things happened, you enjoyed it, just because you fall in love with her.
But, my love story ended, after one day, i lost the battle, i got overtaken by her friend, it means that she just had a boyfriend, i really remembered the date, it was 12 August last year. I really felt so sad at that time, even i remembered i relapsed on this porn addiction. Yeah, i felt really stressed that time, even porn didn't even heal it. Because, i was really close on confessing my love to her, but it was too late. I felt depressed, i felt like nothing.. I felt like, i will not find a girl like her, or maybe, better..
And, yeah, as i already told before, i relapsed, and since that, my mind started to shift negatively, i mean, i am really easy to be sensitive towards other. All things that came to my mind was just a negative thought. I got too sensitive on everything. I got easily irritated and somehow, sad on everything.
It is even worse after one moment, i decided to stalk on her (as what i used to do), and somehow, she got really angry on me, even she sneak dissed me on social media. And, everything really started worse, my relationship with her started getting worse and worse... And, of course, i blamed porn for that to happen. Because, as i already told you, porn decreased my judgement ability, porn really destroys your mind. And, yeah, porn had already destroyed my love story.. My sweetest love story
And, thank God, this doesn't happen again.. Our relationship started to get better again, we even chatted really well. We even supported each other for every possible thoughts. And, suddenly, all this love feeling towards her started to grow again.. grow again and again, like what had happened last year. But, i decreased my hope. Last year, i hoped she could be my girlfriend, while this year, i just hoped for a better relationship (maybe BFF, or something)..
To be honest with you all, we have never met in real life, we know each other on social media through a community, we never met due to some reasons, yeah, distance is one of them..
So, today or tomorrow, i am planning to reconfess my love to her again, i really want to say that i still love her no matter what happened to her. I still keep my love to her, i don't really care what will happen in the end, because yeah, i just want to confess without any possible implications. I mean, i don't want to hope for anything better, to be her best friends makes me really happy.
 |
| I LOVE YOU!!!!! |
I did it because i realized that "PORN HAS DESTROYED LOVE ON EACH OTHER", and my story really proved it. And, i have been starting this NoFap struggle and reached Day 14, so, i feel really better day by day. And, i have prepared for any bad possible things that may happen.
Please, friends! If you're reading this, please pray the best for me!
Monday, October 26, 2015
DAY 12 & 13 : NOT QUANTITY, BUT QUALITY (Meaning Of Friendship)
26 October 2015 10:56 p.m (GMT+7)
Day 12 & 13 (i will be writing about what happened between these 2 days)
Yesterday (25 Oct) at about 3 p.m, i chatted on Skype with my new friend from South Korea, bro Albert. He is actually one of the NoFap motivator, he also has a YouTube account that contains of his NoFap story, or also some good motivations. You can check his YouTube channel here --> Albert An
Not only that, he is also a founder of a good application called Battle Goal (you can find it on Play Store for Android, or maybe App Store for Apple users). It's actually an application that can be used as a platform to reduce or get rid of any addiction, but actually most of users are struggling against Porn Addiction (including ME!).
We chatted for about 10 minutes on Skype, yeah, mostly we talked about Introduction and the possible updates on Battle Goal or whatever. But, in the end, after the chat, i just realized that i am actually friendlier in social media world rather than in the real world. Yeah.. i really have less friends, not because i am actually a bad person, but actually, i am a little bit introvert.
I wrote stuff about friendship now, because i have just decided to stay away from my good friends. Yeah, i'm not gonna say my friendship with him is over, but i actually make a distance towards him, because of his attitude. He even opened to some of my friends about my porn addiction, because he found out about it. Not only that, i think that he is using me for his profit. But, yeah, i hope i might be wrong. But, wait! STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM, anyway. haha!
After that, i talked to some of my good friends about my friendship, becuase my mom also concerned about it). And then, i remembered one of them said this.
"Friendship is not about the quantity, but it's about the quality"
Yeah! I've been losing friends due to porn addiction. They don't even know actually about my addiction, but yeah, porn indirectly breaks your friendship, as what my friend in Whatsapp group has said in another post before. But, of course, not all of them hates you, there are still some of them who still treated me good. And that makes me really happy! Eventhough, right now, i feel that i have more friend on social media rather than in real life, i still feel happy, because i still have a place where i can share my feeling, and of course they understand my feeling, and motivates me to do better and better.
And today, i feel really happy because i did a great job, i helped my friends on group assignments, and they also thought me in positive way. Also, i understood the lectures really well, and so on! I really think my friend is right that,
"Friendship is not about the quantity, but it's about the quality"
No matter how many friends you have, but as long as you can still maintain it well, and they understand and respect everything about you, it's okay. That is still besides you and still motivate you when you're up and down.
Not just some bullshit fake friends who likes you for their own profit, but when you are down, they leave you, and they treat you like nothing.
And right now, i am still proud that my good friends still motivate me and always help me to quit for this Porn Addiction. I really want to thank them and hope the best for all of them!
To my friends, or readers, if you have less friends, here are some pictures for you!
Day 12 & 13 (i will be writing about what happened between these 2 days)
Yesterday (25 Oct) at about 3 p.m, i chatted on Skype with my new friend from South Korea, bro Albert. He is actually one of the NoFap motivator, he also has a YouTube account that contains of his NoFap story, or also some good motivations. You can check his YouTube channel here --> Albert An
Not only that, he is also a founder of a good application called Battle Goal (you can find it on Play Store for Android, or maybe App Store for Apple users). It's actually an application that can be used as a platform to reduce or get rid of any addiction, but actually most of users are struggling against Porn Addiction (including ME!).
We chatted for about 10 minutes on Skype, yeah, mostly we talked about Introduction and the possible updates on Battle Goal or whatever. But, in the end, after the chat, i just realized that i am actually friendlier in social media world rather than in the real world. Yeah.. i really have less friends, not because i am actually a bad person, but actually, i am a little bit introvert.
I wrote stuff about friendship now, because i have just decided to stay away from my good friends. Yeah, i'm not gonna say my friendship with him is over, but i actually make a distance towards him, because of his attitude. He even opened to some of my friends about my porn addiction, because he found out about it. Not only that, i think that he is using me for his profit. But, yeah, i hope i might be wrong. But, wait! STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM, anyway. haha!
After that, i talked to some of my good friends about my friendship, becuase my mom also concerned about it). And then, i remembered one of them said this.
"Friendship is not about the quantity, but it's about the quality"
Yeah! I've been losing friends due to porn addiction. They don't even know actually about my addiction, but yeah, porn indirectly breaks your friendship, as what my friend in Whatsapp group has said in another post before. But, of course, not all of them hates you, there are still some of them who still treated me good. And that makes me really happy! Eventhough, right now, i feel that i have more friend on social media rather than in real life, i still feel happy, because i still have a place where i can share my feeling, and of course they understand my feeling, and motivates me to do better and better.
And today, i feel really happy because i did a great job, i helped my friends on group assignments, and they also thought me in positive way. Also, i understood the lectures really well, and so on! I really think my friend is right that,
"Friendship is not about the quantity, but it's about the quality"
No matter how many friends you have, but as long as you can still maintain it well, and they understand and respect everything about you, it's okay. That is still besides you and still motivate you when you're up and down.
Not just some bullshit fake friends who likes you for their own profit, but when you are down, they leave you, and they treat you like nothing.
And right now, i am still proud that my good friends still motivate me and always help me to quit for this Porn Addiction. I really want to thank them and hope the best for all of them!
To my friends, or readers, if you have less friends, here are some pictures for you!
Saturday, October 24, 2015
DAY 11 : NEW SPIRIT TO BE PRODUCTIVE!! (especially on Writing)
24 October 2015 7:57 pm (GMT +7)
Day 11 (DAMN!! I JUST REACHED DOUBLE DIGITS!!)
After struggling on the big urge and trigger on Day 10 (or maybe 10,5). I decided to wake up and forget about it, in the morning around 8 a.m, i participated on a talkshow about enterpreneurship, emphasizing on how to become a trainer, writer, and counselor. Because, later, i really need these skills to be a better man in the future. And, after the talkshow, i really have a new spirit! Especially on writing!!
As you have already know, i have been writing about my struggle to end this porn addiction in this blog, and for unpredictable reason, i will lose my motivation for writing. That talkshow really motivates me well, of course, in terms of how to become a trainer, counsellor and writer (it's all the theme anyway, haha).
The first theme of this talkshow is how to become a trainer. It was really great. I really feel the vibe from the trainer, she said that to be a great trainer, we need to be a "strong" person and also a clever person. She also said thatnas a trainer, we really need to have a good connection and be a little "reckless", because to be a trainer, we need to start from training small groups of people. For me, it is really important, because right now, i can train or motivate some of my friends about porn addiction, whether they have become addicted or not, so they won't touch stuff related to porn FOREVER (yeah, at least until they get married).
The second theme is about how to become a writer. This theme REALLY CHARGED ME UP!!! I used to be a writer, i even had a health blog (it's in Indonesian, anyway), but due to my porn consumption, i didn't manage it well.. it's actually not only because of porn, but also tight college schedule. The instructor also shared us his story of how he started as a writer due to some funny stuff, he criticized a stupid article about polygamy (one man marry to more than one woman) on a newspaper, and his critic is suddenly published on the same newspaper, it's axtually his very first article, he also said that he is not a top notch writer, because he never gets rejected by any newspaper until now.
What motivates me more from the second session is when he talked about the usage of writing, and he said that writing can be used as a therapy. And, i suddenly feel like "DAMN!! IT'S REALLY TRUE!!", i just realized that yesterday, i almost relapsed because i didn't write like what i supposed to do.. i actually agree that writing can be a therapy, and right now, i am starting it and it's my Day 11 writing..
He also told us about how writing can fly him abroad, and of course, i feel really motivated.. i really hope that one day, this blog will make people inspired not to be a porn sddiction, but it's not the reason why i wrote this blog. I also really dream to go abroad, 3 months ago, i just cancelled my contract to go to Lithuania due to college activity, and it's really baf for me. And i still wish, one day i will visit Japan, South Korea, or Saudi Arabia. I will tell you the reason later.
He also told us that writing should be done at least one time a day, and it can be everything, it can be a diary (like this blog), an article, or whatever. And he also instructed us wherever or whenever any idea hits us, we should directly make a note on wherever media. Notes, tablets, whatever! This talkshiw REALLY CHARGED MY SPIRIT UP!!
I even asked myself during that sessuon, "WHY DIDN'T I CONTINUE MY WRITING SPIRIT??", but it's not too late anyway. So, i have to continue!!
Actually, the last session is about how to be a counsellor, it's actually the same thing on how to be a trainer. So, it's not that significant, i even didn't pay attention to it, because i wrote my Day 10,5 post that time, lol!
So far, i think, the best therapy for this porn addiction for me is by writing. And right now, i am starting this! I hope i can shift my addiction from porn to writing (whatever).. The reason why? You can read this post!
Day 11 (DAMN!! I JUST REACHED DOUBLE DIGITS!!)
After struggling on the big urge and trigger on Day 10 (or maybe 10,5). I decided to wake up and forget about it, in the morning around 8 a.m, i participated on a talkshow about enterpreneurship, emphasizing on how to become a trainer, writer, and counselor. Because, later, i really need these skills to be a better man in the future. And, after the talkshow, i really have a new spirit! Especially on writing!!
 |
| source : tumblr.com |
The first theme of this talkshow is how to become a trainer. It was really great. I really feel the vibe from the trainer, she said that to be a great trainer, we need to be a "strong" person and also a clever person. She also said thatnas a trainer, we really need to have a good connection and be a little "reckless", because to be a trainer, we need to start from training small groups of people. For me, it is really important, because right now, i can train or motivate some of my friends about porn addiction, whether they have become addicted or not, so they won't touch stuff related to porn FOREVER (yeah, at least until they get married).
The second theme is about how to become a writer. This theme REALLY CHARGED ME UP!!! I used to be a writer, i even had a health blog (it's in Indonesian, anyway), but due to my porn consumption, i didn't manage it well.. it's actually not only because of porn, but also tight college schedule. The instructor also shared us his story of how he started as a writer due to some funny stuff, he criticized a stupid article about polygamy (one man marry to more than one woman) on a newspaper, and his critic is suddenly published on the same newspaper, it's axtually his very first article, he also said that he is not a top notch writer, because he never gets rejected by any newspaper until now.
What motivates me more from the second session is when he talked about the usage of writing, and he said that writing can be used as a therapy. And, i suddenly feel like "DAMN!! IT'S REALLY TRUE!!", i just realized that yesterday, i almost relapsed because i didn't write like what i supposed to do.. i actually agree that writing can be a therapy, and right now, i am starting it and it's my Day 11 writing..
He also told us about how writing can fly him abroad, and of course, i feel really motivated.. i really hope that one day, this blog will make people inspired not to be a porn sddiction, but it's not the reason why i wrote this blog. I also really dream to go abroad, 3 months ago, i just cancelled my contract to go to Lithuania due to college activity, and it's really baf for me. And i still wish, one day i will visit Japan, South Korea, or Saudi Arabia. I will tell you the reason later.
He also told us that writing should be done at least one time a day, and it can be everything, it can be a diary (like this blog), an article, or whatever. And he also instructed us wherever or whenever any idea hits us, we should directly make a note on wherever media. Notes, tablets, whatever! This talkshiw REALLY CHARGED MY SPIRIT UP!!
 |
| I AM CHARGED UP! Source : twitter |
Actually, the last session is about how to be a counsellor, it's actually the same thing on how to be a trainer. So, it's not that significant, i even didn't pay attention to it, because i wrote my Day 10,5 post that time, lol!
So far, i think, the best therapy for this porn addiction for me is by writing. And right now, i am starting this! I hope i can shift my addiction from porn to writing (whatever).. The reason why? You can read this post!
 |
| Source : success.com |
DAY 10.5 - ALMOST RELAPSE!
24 October 2015 10:05 a.m (GMT+7)
Day 10.5 (i supposed to write hours before, on 23 October, but, due to assignment, i write it now, on Day 11)
If you're reading this post, i almost relapsed!!! It's actually crazy because i almost relapse after 10 Day of struggle.. it all started because i saw a nude video by accident, and the urge is really going high after that. This event happened when i slept after working on assignments.. and it happened before i sleep!! Yeah, i often also relapsed before i sleep
Hours before that, i also gained an urge after havig stressed due to my friend's bullshit joke. They used my bad past as a joke, and somehow, i feel so uncomfortable. So i ended up telling about the urge to my friends. And to decrease it, i watched a documentary of famous hiphop group named N.W.A (if you guys know Straight Outta Compton, you know who they are). and yeah, i overcome it well
So, for those two events, i didn't end up masturbating or even continuing to get exposed on pornography. But, they both give me urges that is always hard to overcome. And right after i woke up, i did evaluation on why i let those urges happened.
And, i just found out that i slept too late, at that night, i slept around 1 a.m, and i just realized i forgot what i have written before, that i have to sleep earlier to prevent the urge to hit me again.
So, if you're reading this post, please sleep early!! I mean, seriously! SLEEP EARLY!! At least, sleep based on your biological clock, or the easy way, sleep based on when you used to!!
Day 10.5 (i supposed to write hours before, on 23 October, but, due to assignment, i write it now, on Day 11)
If you're reading this post, i almost relapsed!!! It's actually crazy because i almost relapse after 10 Day of struggle.. it all started because i saw a nude video by accident, and the urge is really going high after that. This event happened when i slept after working on assignments.. and it happened before i sleep!! Yeah, i often also relapsed before i sleep
Hours before that, i also gained an urge after havig stressed due to my friend's bullshit joke. They used my bad past as a joke, and somehow, i feel so uncomfortable. So i ended up telling about the urge to my friends. And to decrease it, i watched a documentary of famous hiphop group named N.W.A (if you guys know Straight Outta Compton, you know who they are). and yeah, i overcome it well
So, for those two events, i didn't end up masturbating or even continuing to get exposed on pornography. But, they both give me urges that is always hard to overcome. And right after i woke up, i did evaluation on why i let those urges happened.
And, i just found out that i slept too late, at that night, i slept around 1 a.m, and i just realized i forgot what i have written before, that i have to sleep earlier to prevent the urge to hit me again.
So, if you're reading this post, please sleep early!! I mean, seriously! SLEEP EARLY!! At least, sleep based on your biological clock, or the easy way, sleep based on when you used to!!
Thursday, October 22, 2015
DAY 9 : GOING FOR DOUBLE DIGIT! (+Words from Friends)
22 October 2015 11:32 p.m
Day 9
I literally enjoyed this day. I went to college at 10 a.m, and went home at 4:30 p.m. And, the college was fun. I totally don't feel any urge at all today. And at that time, i almost cried on what i have just done.. yeah! i finally reached Day 9 of my struggle to quit porn addiction. And, by the end of the day (actually less than 30 minutes later), i will be struggling for Day 10. Yeah! DOUBLE DIGIT!
Some of my friend said that DOUBLE DIGIT (Day 10-99) could be the hard, because most of the relapses happened during that period. So did i, i always relapsed during the period (you can read about story of my past relapses in this post)
Thank God, i remembered one note a good friend had wrote. I think, it can motivate me or maybe you all readers also.
"Porn destroys your mind
Porn destroys your health
Porn destroys your humanity
Porn destroys your personality
Porn destroys your happiness
Porn makes you a slave
Porn prevents you to focus and think normally
Porn destroys your relations
Porn makes you dumb
And porn destroys your life.
Hope u all have a nice day..." (My Friend in Whatsapp Group "No Fapperz")
Yeah.. porn completely destroys your life, i mean your life 360 degree. So, i hope this can motivate you guys!
Hope to see you all going strong! Hope also i can go strong during this period!
Day 9
I literally enjoyed this day. I went to college at 10 a.m, and went home at 4:30 p.m. And, the college was fun. I totally don't feel any urge at all today. And at that time, i almost cried on what i have just done.. yeah! i finally reached Day 9 of my struggle to quit porn addiction. And, by the end of the day (actually less than 30 minutes later), i will be struggling for Day 10. Yeah! DOUBLE DIGIT!
 |
| DOUBLE DIGIT!!!! source : tabercartoons.wordpress.com |
Thank God, i remembered one note a good friend had wrote. I think, it can motivate me or maybe you all readers also.
"Porn destroys your mind
Porn destroys your health
Porn destroys your humanity
Porn destroys your personality
Porn destroys your happiness
Porn makes you a slave
Porn prevents you to focus and think normally
Porn destroys your relations
Porn makes you dumb
And porn destroys your life.
Hope u all have a nice day..." (My Friend in Whatsapp Group "No Fapperz")
Yeah.. porn completely destroys your life, i mean your life 360 degree. So, i hope this can motivate you guys!
Hope to see you all going strong! Hope also i can go strong during this period!
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
DAY 8 : ONLY ONE SENTENCE
21 October 2015 10:58 p.m (GMT+7)
Day 8
Feeling great every single day, no urge, no stress, no bad thing.. good evening from here!
Day 8
Feeling great every single day, no urge, no stress, no bad thing.. good evening from here!
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