DAY 24 : TRUE LOVE NEVER FAILS

6 November 2015 10:35 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 24 (still strong!)

Yesterday, i just have a chat with my close female friend talking about love, actually we talked not a lot, but i don't know why we suddenly talk about it. She already had a boyfriend though (maybe!). I also talked to her about my "friendzone" case. If you don't understand what i am talking about, check it right here! At that time, she said this.

"Keep running for her until you are tired, true love never fails".

I was just thinking that it's true, but i still think if actually my love to her (someone who i just confessed days ago) is kind of true love or not. I don't know, so i just decided to do some browsing about it.

And, i found a good explanation by a psychologist named Robert Stenberg. He defined that there are about 3 phases of true love.

PHASE 1 : Passion 
This phase is actually kind of physical and sexual attraction. People called it "love at first sight". You started to get attracted on someone, pheromones are around you, chemistry and electricity in your brain started to do some random things, and of course, you really want to have your feelings reciprocated (i mean, will turn out great to him or her)

PHASE 2 : Intimacy
It's actually kind of attachment right here. Like both of you are really close and connected to each other. It really grows by spending time with the person you like. Then it grows deeper by telling about every aspects of life to each other. Yeah, it should start with trust and safety, both of you need to build that condition to reach this phase.

PHASE 3 : Commitment
Commitment in this case is.. like, you want to stay connected no matter what. To reach this phase, we should believe each other, not doing some prejudgment thing. Yeah, to really stay together, we need to break some barriers of being hurt and also resolve some issues together. For some reason, it also can be done by marriage or engagement. This phase really takes some risks, seriously!

Those 3 phases are also elaborated by Sternberg into The Triangular Theory of Love, which already described below by this picture:

which type of love do you actually have?

After reading throughout this article, i just realized that actually my love to her is actually still in Phase 2 (or maybe, Phase 1). Because, i just have passion on her, and quite intimacy also. But, it didn't turn well on the other side. So, it is concluded that my love to her is still not a kind of true love. So, to create that situation, i think, i should make her get committed to me.

Or, if we looked at this Triangle above, my love to her is like between Infatuation to Romantic Love. WOW! Infatuation actually means "falling in love"

But, yeah... Time flows, we don't know which one is best for both of us, maybe i will marry her or someone i don't know, or someone i have never thought. I really don't know, but i am always struggling to gain my "True Love" for the better version of me.

Because yeah, TRUE LOVE NEVER FAILS, like my friend said.

Source : http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/05/24/true-love-how-do-you-know/?all=1

DAY 23 : GETTING FEMALE ATTENTION (yeah!)

5 November 2015 11:18 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 23 (Michael Jordan, yeay!)

As you already read on everything, i just reached week 3 of this NoFap challenge, a.k.a Quitting Porn Addiction! It's really crazy because i have never reached Day 23, the best day so far on this NoFap challenge is just 21 days, and it was like.. 8-9 months ago.

And yeah, i just realized that the benefit kicks me in already! One of them is i just get female attention!! YEAH!! Of course, it doesn't mean i could easily get urges, or do some sexual things, since i still have to keep my virginity until marriage, because it was told by my religion.

But, lately, i just think that i feel really closer to my female friends. An example, some days ago, i just got a gift from my female friend who came back from Malaysia, after helping her on some stuff. It's a chocolate candy, with some good taste variations, like hazelnut, white milk. Not some crazy thing like BeanBoozle (i really want to try it though, haha!)

Here is it actually!

I think, there is no product placement, here.. But, if yes, sorry! Anyway, my mom likes it!

Not only that, i also feel like, lately, it's getting easier for me to have a chat with my female friends. When i was on porn, it's really hard for me to have any contact with them. Even, i feel like, some of them hate me, because i found some of them talking about me on some social media. As i already told you on my latest posts, porn destroys your friendship!!

Even one of people who i know face-to-face that knows about my porn addiction is also A GIRL! She is fine actually about it, because she knows that it's normal for men to get addicted to porn (yeah, but it's not that normal anymore).

The positive effect from this is, i can easily move on from my bad week. I mean, as you know, i just got friendzoned last week, and it's really a bad moment even i almost relapsed thinking about that bullshit. But, seems like the pain will go away faster, and it really helps me to focus on my studies, and getting some good friendship, or maybe a good future wife, haha!

I remembered last year (i mean, 2014), i just got a Valentine present from my female friend, which is actually my friend's girlfriend. I just hope that next year, i will also get Valentine present again (maybe from a girl which is single). Even though i don't believe in Valentine Day, but yeah, gift is a gift!! But, i don't really think about it, because i just want to do good things to the people.

Yeah, this is what i want to say, for those who is still struggling, keep struggling!! Don't peek yourself, find another hobbies, and of course, prevent from possible urge!!

Anyway, i want to give important shoutout to my friend, Jake from Texas (i guess), he is really incredible person, he starts making YouTube videos, talking about his struggle on this NoFap challenge. You can check his latest video here, or you can subscribe to JakeStrong 112. Funny thing is our day right now is close. He is on Day 24, while i am now on Day 23 (i actually moved to Day 24 one hour later)

DAY 22 : JUST A DIARY (1)

4 November 2015 11:46 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 22

I'm sorry for the short update, i am gonna tell about some stuff happening this day, it may be short, because there is no significant thing happened.

First, i woke up nice, and started school at 10 a.m. I also had a test at 2 p.m, THANK GOD it ended well. Actually, since yesterday, i decided to play Ingress again (it's like an adventure game by using real world as a "map", it's great, bro!). It happened because my friends in the college also played it, and luckily they are on the same team as me. So, we can collaborate together then.

And, actually, there is a bad moment this night, where i almost lost my Campus Orientation Certificate. It's really bad because it is needed as a requirement for me to graduate. Yeah, hearing this news, my mother got angry at me, and it really turns my urge on. But, yeah, i managed it like a pro. So, i still keep this struggle continue, day by day. It's already Day 22, and i will reach Day 23.

The crazy thing for today is "I CAN'T SLEEP!!!"

Hope i don't get any urges or relapses then, since i've been working really hard for this.

DAY 21 : LEARNING LIFE FROM SAKURA (CHERRY BLOSSOM)

3 November 2015, 11:25 pm (GMT+7)

Day 21

I finally reached 3 weeks! Wow it's crazy! I just even realized that benefit already kicks me, eventhough i still feel some urge from everywhere. Even 3 hours ago, i just feel urge, but just a smal urge, so i still have to prepare for the another one. YEAH!! ANOTHER ONE!!

2 hours ago, i just received phone call from my father, He told that my grandfather was sick and treated to hospital. THANK GOD, he has already come home safely. The doctor told him that something is wrong with his airway due to his smoking habit (he actually relapsed after 10 years quit smoking and it started 4 months ago), and also there is some kind of heart enlargement. 

My dad also asked to my aunt who treated my granddad, she told me that he has been experiencing lots of bad stuff, like insomnia, hard to urinate (pee) or even defecate (poo). But, sometimes, the incontinence happened, like he can poo or pee somewhere. My aunt also said that when she cleaned his room, she found his clothes are stained with poo. The best thing is she still remain patient for it, yeah, we know, when you are old, you will end up like a baby again, you will need help from everyone in your family. My dad suddenly told me that "it's time for him to die", i mean, it will take no longer time again or him to live. 

All of a sudden, that morning, i read an article about the philosophy of Cherry Blossom, usually called as Sakura in Japan (i like to use the word, because it's shorter). 

It is stated that Sakura is the symbol of the beauty of life, yeah, there is no eternity in our life, there is always an end in every start, whether it's good or bad. Extremely beautiful but quick end. As we already know, it only blossoms in several days, and it will fall down. For your knowledge, in Japan, Sakura will blossom at around January until March, starting from south to north.

look, how beautiful is it? I wish i can see it live in Japan!

But, it's not the only lesson i take from Cherry Blossom. I suddenly remembered one sentence that can also symbolize its definition.

"Anata mo, anata mo, minna no kokoro ni, Sakura Sake!"

It means "You too, You too, in everyone's heart, Sakura Bloom!".

This sentence is taken from a catchphrase (like introduction sentence) by a Japanese female idol named Sakura Miyawaki. She is the member of HKT48 (some of you maybe know about AKB48, it's their franchise, anyway). Ay, here is her photo (don't search on google, you will probably have an urge after that).

look! how beautiful is she?? i wish i can meet her in Japan

I really like this sentence (and the person also), it can give me another definition of Sakura, which is about the word "Bloom". 

It's not a secret anymore that people really want to see Sakura blossoms everywhere live! Taking photos, or maybe taking the leafs, or whatever. Even, people always note when the Sakura will blossom so they can save the date to come to see the beauty of it, yeah, until it falls down again. Because, people really love the beauty of Sakura across Japan.

This sentence can motivate me, while you're still blooming (living), you really need to do everything good and also feel good on everything, so, you can bloom in everyone's heart because of the good thing, you will be remembered for every good thing you did, not the bad thing. People will like you and respect you for that. This sentence is also the reason why i decided to quit porn addiction and do this NoFap challenge, because i really want to life like Sakura! I want to do really good things until it falls.

So, by combining all those meanings. I can conclude that the true lesson i can learn from is

"Sakura represents the beauty of life, it is not forever, but it blossoms in everyone's heart, because it's beautiful and good. 

The same way for our life, live it well and beautifully, so we can always remain in everyone's heart".

If you guys, want to know more about Sakura, or Cherry Blossom.. You can read it here!

Wikipedia about Cherry Blossom
Significance of Cherry Blossom (Huffington Post)
History and Movement of Cherry Blossom

DAY 20 - FINDING THE TRUSTABLE FRIENDS

2 November 2015 8:41 pm (GMT+7)

Day 20 (yeah.. finally!)

Finally, i almost reached Day 20! It's really crazy! Because in several levels, i felt that the urge approaching me has decreased (but still not significant), but for some reasons, i already feel the benefit has kicked in already. It's awesome!

Anyway, yesterday, i just did Google Hangout with my friends who are also struggling from Porn Addiction, you can see our hangout video here!

The bad thing is i just realized until the hangout ended, that my camera is not on, so you guys can't see my handsome face! OH NO! (it's actually okay though, because i am so humble, i'm afraid you guys will feel aroused by my face, just kidding, it's due to technical mistakes, not my camera's inability to resist my handsomeness, but at least, you can hear my sexy voice)

Most of the discussion is about how we all started this NoFap challenge, and the urges, struggles, passions, hobbies and stuff. Most of all, we did introduction since this is really our first Google Hangout, and i really enjoyed it!! We actually did a hangout starting on 11 am New York Time (it's about 11 pm in Indonesia)

Oh yeah, for sure, let me tell you, that we are all met together by one application, which is called Battle Goal (if you guys don't know, PLEASE DOWNLOAD IT on AppStore or Play Store, IT'S FREE!!)

After this hangout, of course, i went to sleep. But, during my struggle to sleep, i just realized that why i am so open with everyone in the hangout about my Porn Addiction, but i still didn't open it to my friends (i mean, friends i have met face-to-face about it). I mean, seriously, there is only one person i told about my Porn Addiction and he really supports my struggle.

Honestly, i already told my Porn Addiction to one person, but i have told to some of my friends who i knew from The Internet (i think, i have told 4 persons from them, one of them is a girl who i have confessed). It's actually because it's hard for me to trust anyone, especially in my campus. Yeah, my campus life is good, but there are some of my friends who is really talkative, even they can't hold any secret and i really hate it!

Yeah! I remembered last year, i told to one of my close friend that i have a crush on someone who we both knew. And, surprisingly, i was told that my crush knew that i fall in love with her, and she knew it from that close friend. What a bullshit, man! And, at that moment, i knew that there is almost anyone that i can trust to tell mysecrets, this is why i tell some of my friends that i know from Internet. 

I think, it's always hard to find trustable friends, but i remembered what my dad told me one day, that 

"if your friend talked about someone's badness to you, there could be any possibility that one day, he/she will talk about your badness to another"

And i always believe that my dad is true, and it really is!!

So, until now, less than 10 of my friends (beside the NoFap members) know about my struggle to quit porn addiction. Because i really trust them, and i think, they won't share it to everyone, or at least, if they shared, it won't give really bad effects on me. Even only 2 people know about the existence of this blog.

But, one day, when the time comes, i will tell to everyone about it. Maybe, after reaching Day 25, Day 30, i don't know. I need to consider every aspects and also risks. But, right now, i still find friends who i really trust, because i can't really hold this alone.. I need someone to support me.

DAY 19 : IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO QUIT

1 November 2015, 10:23 p.m

DAY 19 (FINALLY.. I beat my last record)

Yeah, sorry for not giving you update yesterday.. Haha. i got some problems actually, and also some business, and some procrastinating thing.

It's crazy that for the last 2 days, i've been struggling with urges. Yeah, i just realized that my friend is right, when he said that Day 18-21 could be the one of the toughest. I even almost relapsed. But, actually, "almost relapse" is not the main theme here.

Yeah.. actually, during my porn addiction quit, i have downloaded a countdown application called NoFap Companion (you can call it nF Companion), here is the screenshot of the app

If you look at the below, there is a quote that will motivate you. You can adjust whether the quotes are shown daily, hourly, or whatever.. And, throughout that, there is one quote that really gets my mind. And the quote is :

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” H. Jackson Brown Jr.

When i read this quote first, i suddenly think that is really happening for me. I mean, seriously! I have been struggling to quit from this addiction on 9 months. And, i only decided to be serious about it 19 days later. I mean, i really ask myself why so late. I imagined if i had seriously started about this 9 months ago, i could have gained full recovery, i mean, i could be a better person.

As you already know before, porn really destroys everything for me. 

It destroys your mind, my GPA started to decrease since this porn addiction (i even have gained C from one lesson, it really hurts me, but thanks i have fixed it well)

It destroys your relationship, my friend started to be away from me

It destroys your soul, i started to become angry and undecisive

It destroys your passion, yeah.. i should have done something more productive, but i didn't make it due to my porn consumption

You can read the whole words in this post

I also feel the same way throughout my academic life, yesterday i did a test, and i scored really well. And, i just realized, i scored well because i didn't think much of the test. I used to think too much about any test, and it really hurts me, because sometimes, i scored lower. And, i asked, why didn't i do it throughout my whole test that i've experienced before?

But, yeah.. it's never too late to quit from everything. Because, better late than never. As long as you can do it well and do it better, you will still get any reward. Right now, for those of you who is still struggling to start quit from porn addiction, yeah, JUST QUIT!! Because, one day, you will feel the same as me. You'll ask yourself why hadn't i quit since then?

Yeah.. after you read this post, DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT PORN ANYMORE!!! JUST QUIT IT!!! HERE IS THE SPEECH FOR YOU!!

DAY 17 - FRIENDZONE (again) + Evaluation

29 October 2015 8:54 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 17

Anyway, sorry for not updating yesterday Because of some academic stuff, and not regular sleep time lol. Oh yeah, finally i just reached my Day 17, so i am going for the hardest day of the struggle, as what my friend already told. Day 18-21 will be so hard, even i relapsed at those days often.

Oh yeah, as what the title of this blog already told you, i just confessed my love to a girl! But, yeah, in the very end, i get friendzoned. I don't know what to feel about this, because we know, getting friendzoned is as hurt as being single, because you don't have someone to date or, yeah, bf/gf thing.

But, we should also know, every negative thing also has a positive, even though a little. I had a chat with one of my close friend, and he even said this

"Bro, both of you guys never met each other, so, i also think, if you guys dated, it will be very risky, even it won't last long".

Yeah, friendzone is of course, not a bad thing. But, it will make you sad, like you really hope for something serious, but it didn't happen. Moment of silence for me, then!

BUT, NO NO NO!! I'm not the same as last year, like when i get friendzone, i relapse and look back at porn.

So, at that time, i decided to evaluate myself on what i have to do in the future. Because, failure is the best place to know what we should fix. And, i give you some points and also i took some tips from my friend. Here are things i already found and evaluated!

1. Confession can be a bad thing for you, just act like your girl already said "yes" to you. Like asking for hangout, treat a dinner.
2. Love is not about dating, so keep your desire for a date, just try to be a better man for girl you like.
3. Never expect too much, because the best expectation is no expectation.
4. If you failed, or maybe she didn't like you, GO AWAY!! Find another one! Maybe she may not be a good girl for you, or maybe you should fix something for her.

I actually think there are some points i already left, but yeah.. these are my evaluations, so i am really proud that i got friendzoned today, because, let's look at the bright side, i can encourage myself to be a better man, so, maybe i can marry her, or at least better than her, or we don't know, because GOD decides.

The same thing also happened to you guys, from my story, i just want to let you guys know that GIRLS ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A GOOD MAN.. (NOT HANDSOME), okay?

So, before thinking of dating or whatever, you should look at the mirror again and see whether you already deserved or not.

I will be doing that, and i hope you also do that! Thanks and Cheers for the "Friend"Zone!!!