DAY 26 : DEAR PORNSTAR, I STILL LOVE YOU...

8 November 2015 10:50 p.m (GMT+7)

Day 26

Dear Pornstar,

This is me, your not-so-frequent consumer, but already become an addict.

I remembered first, when i was introduced to you for about 5 years ago, it was a really weird introduction, because my friends forced me to it. Of course, i don't directly get addicted to it. I am just like,

"what the hell am i watching?"

But, for why, i started getting addicted to you after several exposures. I forgot the exact time, but, i experienced my very first wet dream due to you. I can't tell the feeling i have after that. And then, i started getting addicted to consume your materials, whether it's videos, photos, or even audios.

I show much love to your materials, eventhough in the end, my friends get decreased and even i didn't perform well in high school. I DON'T CARE! It's like a sacrifice for me, because i just have you as my part of enjoyment.

This is the first time i do that to you, because it seems that you are really great, you love your job, you enjoy everything that you do. I can see that through your face, when i watch your videos, or see some screenshots. I really feel the happiness you share with me, while you are doing some scenes. That makes me think that you can be someone i really want to be in the future.

I mean it! I think, you really have something that maybe every woman in the world should have.

Yeah, as what normal people usually do, when they love someone or something, they always take a look on everything related to that thing. Throughout my 5 years of getting addicted, i just realized some important points. And those makes me cry, i have no idea that you really hide something behind your joy. You really have lots of things to hide from me.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??

I don't know that behind those cameras or screens or scenes, you hide lots of pains. Yeah, a lot.. I have no idea that you hide those things, while we are enjoying them.. 

I just know that you are one step closer for some sexually transmitted diseases, like Chlamydia, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, or even the worst, HIV. 

I just know that behind those scenes, you have possible risks for vaginal tears, anal tears, or even penile fracture that will make you consume lots of painkillers which can be very painful to you due to the possible fracture effects.

I just know that your lifestyle is really bad, consuming alcohol, steroids, or even some of you do implants that can injure your body if not taken safely, or even some stimulant pills (e.g. viagra) to make you sexually active throughout the scenes.

I just know that to create a great body like that, you need to do some stuff which is dangerous to you or even us maybe.

I just know that you really risk yourself to death from those lifestyles, as you know that some of you are death on some complications of drugs, or maybe infections which are untreated.

I just know that behind those cameras, you feel really sad on what you have just done, even some of you committed suicide due to the depression.

I just know that everything you do is almost fake, or everything you provided is not in reality, because one day, we will never experience everything that was screened on your materials.

I just know that lots of good women hate what you did, even in my country, they think you are really bad influences for the teenage girls in my country.

In the end, i just know that you don't love yourself. 

Of course, i am really sad because not only me, lots of people really enjoy your materials, without thinking what actually happened behind the scenes. I still can see some of them enjoying it right now without knowing everything, Even lots of them spend their money just to see you getting hurt more and more.

And i feel really bad, because the more people enjoy it, the more you become famous, and also the more pain you will experience. I can't even imagine what will happen with you in the next future. 

I can't... seriously, i can't..

But, seriously, that's the time where i want to get away from you. And i am doing it now! Because why? 

Because i love you.
I don't want to see you getting hurt anymore during these scenes
I don't want to see you getting stressed anymore
I don't want to see your bad lifestyles
I really want to help people to do good things, and i want to do it to you.

I remembered, one day, my friend told me that porn addiction can lead to losing empathy, and my friend is absolutely right about it. Because, i don't only lose empathy to my friends or anyone i know face-to-face, but also to you. 

WHY THE HELL I LET YOU FEEL THOSE PAINS?
WHY? WHY?

So, right now, i am trying to take steps away for you. Struggle to distance everything related to you. Because so far, that's the best way to love you, and i always hope you still doing good. I always hope you still feel really great and in the end, you can finally get out from the pain, enjoying a new life, and start to love yourself.

Will i be looking at your materials again? I can't say no, because everything that are screened has something related to porn, eventhough images, or videos, even it is soft or not. But, right now, i am just trying to take a different approach when i suddenly see that material again. 

As example, before, i used to say "oh, this is sexy" or "wow! time to get orgasm for this!"
But now, "okay, good thing" or "oh no, i should not be seeing that".

Maybe, my religion see you as a "really bad person", but not for me, i remembered a video saying that "there is no darkness, there is only light, darkness is the absence of the light". The same thing i think about you, you are not a "bad person", you are just not guided well and trapped on this bullshit. I just want to pray everything good for you, and of course, i really pray that one day, you will go away from this pain, and love yourself! That's it!
Not only that, because my religion doesn't teach about hating each other, we are just taught to love each other, that's it!

I also hope that my friend who reads this open letter will also join me in praying for you! So, you will never feel the pain anymore and you will have a greater life! Or maybe, my friend who feel the same way as me will try to get out from you also..

And, last but not least, 
Forgive me for everything i did for you, i am one of those guys who give you lots of sufferings. I have stimulated lots of pains to you by getting addicted to your materials.
Forgive me for contributing any sin for you and myself, because the more i watched, the more sin you will have because of this.
Forgive me for everything i did for these years...
Please.. forgive me...

I can't imagine you crying behind the cameras or maybe, in my home..
I really can't
I am so sad...

Anyway, i am sorry for writing this long letter, in the end, i hope God will love you and show you the way for the better! 

Forgive me for these years and those pains.. Please forgive me!

With love,
Your ex-addict


Note : Thanks to my friend, +Stuart Tutt for inspiring me to write this letter, and also for motivating me to write about my struggle to quit from this porn addiction, i wished i know him before, maybe i can start faster. A big thank you!!

You can see his letter to pornstars through this link below..
Dear Porn Star : Please Forgive Me (by Stuart Lee Tutt)

I also would like to thank my friend +Albert An for this amazing Battle Goal application, and my KIK chat group, for always giving me some great motivations so i can start it out stronger until i reached Day 26. Thanks also to bro Jake, bro Andreas, bro Ali, bro Wut, bro Karvalo, bro Kynan, and many more!

We are all fighting for this together, and we can do this!! We got this!