Day 29
I wrote this blog in the afternoon, because i'm making this post from the library because of the heavy rain and heavy wind also here. But, yeah. I feel great! Still struggling to beat porn addiction and my phobia of lightning and thunderstorm. I just hope, i can succeed earlier so i will feel much better in the future.
Anyway, right now, i have just reached Day 29 for this NoFap challenge. It is really awesome, because seriously, throughout my 5 years of struggle, I have never reached this milestone and right now i'm reaching it!! I AM SO HAPPY OF MYSELF!!
It really makes me wanna scream "I LOVE MYSELF!!!" and dance like this..
This is actually taken from the song called "i" by Kendrick Lamar. And the gif above is from the music video of it. here is the song if you want to hear.
I really enjoy the whole song, and also the music video. It also makes me dance like an old man. Haha! But, seriously, it's not because of how it sounds, but the lyrics of this song is really inspiring.
This teaches you about how to love yourself. I remembered when i am still addicted to porn (like masturbating or viewing), i feel really depressed. I really hate myself, i even ask myself like "why should i keep doing this all the time?", or "how can i quit from this?".
As you know, i got lots of adverse effects from this porn addiction, like being away from my friend, failed in academic or college, failed in having a girlfriend, and feeling really spiritless for sometimes. Not only that, i also feel attached to pornography at that time. Like, when i feel stressed for exam, i started to look at porn and masturbate for 1-2 times. It was often done, and after orgasm, i feel kinda depressed, like why i should do this thing. But, it was done again and again
I also thought that, at that time, i always felt useless, like i didn't know why i lived in this planet,
So, i started to listen this and read throughout the lyrics. This really makes me cry but as always, realized that these conditions happened because i had a lack of self-love. As what Kendrick said on his past lyrics,
"But what love got to do with it when you don't love yourself?"from his song, "Real" feat. Anna Wise.
And, i suddenly started to think that if we really want to change everything into positive, being a positive myself. I have to love myself.
I always know that i really have a bad past issue, like porn addiction. And, people will think me as a bad person, or someone crazy, like what my school friend has already thought of me. They even called me a "hypersex" and they laughed at it, because i know, they think it was bad, they even went away from me for being that, and made a stupid joke on me about that thing.
But, after listening to this song, and read the lyrics and its meaning, so, i don't care about it anymore.. Because, yeah.. I LOVE MYSELF!! I am really proud that right now, i am struggling to beat this porn addiction, and i don't care what they say, because as long as i am on the right track and GOD still with me, so, it will be good. And that's WHY I LOVE MYSELF!!
Kendrick also said in the song,
"Everybody lookin at you crazy, what you gonna do?
Lift up your head and keep moving, or let the paranoia haunt you
Peace to fashion police i wear my heart
On my sleeve, let the runway start
You know miserable do love company, what do you want from me and my scars?"
Not only that, having a self-love will also give you confidence. Right now, i am really confident on speaking the truth about me, as what you have already read on this blog. I told you about lots of stuff, my porn addiction, my love story, my phobia, almost everything. It is because I LOVE MYSELF!! Because, at that time, i know how to make people love me.
Kendrick also said in thie song
"Everybody lack confidence, everybody lack confidence
How many times my potential was anonymous?
How many times the city making me promises?
So, i promise this..
I LOVE MYSELF!!"
And right now, i have reached this milestone, almost 30 DAYS!! And, i feel really great after gaining some important benefits, such as easier to talk with girls, getting my memory and focus sharper, and also great vision and spirit for life. And, i am about to be honest to some of my friends about my porn addiction. This really makes me want to scream
"I LOVE MYSELF!!!"
"I LOVE MYSELF!!!"
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